stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• I'm OFF!

My life has been crazy as hell. I tried to get everything done in time before my trip. So much crap I have to buy. I ordered some stuff online, and I was sick worried I wouldnt get them on time. But I got them all just yesterday. Then my passport was expiring, so I had to have it extended. What a mess!!

But thank GOD, everything seems to fall in places right at the last minutes. Though I still have to give my keys to the old apartment, pick up my passport, buy automatic feeder for my fish, buy folding chairs for my dad, call my CC companies to change my address and cancel my T-Mobile internet plan. Geesh.. I won't be able to relax til I sit my a$$ on the plane.

But guess what, I'm off to Indonesia, peeps!! Laters!

• iya, gue ngaku..

ga seharusnya gue pindahan 4 hari sebelon balik ke indo. yang ada sekarang gue berasa kaya' abis digebukin maling. i know i know.. biasanya maling yg digebukin. tapi ini asli, badan gue kaya abis diinjek injek. pinggang pegel, punggung rasanya mo patah, tangan kegores gores, kaki kesemutan, minumlah jamu ayam jago!!! oops.. sorry.. jd ngelantur.

iya, gue ngaku, gue sukanya kesusu-susu (bukan jorok ngomongin tete', tapi itu basa jawa yang artinya keburu buru). apa apa maunya cepet. apa apa maunya harus kesampean. jadinya ya gini. repot sendiri. ga inget umur, tenaga dah ga ada, masi ngotot ngangkat ini itu. wajah si boleh 23 (cuih!) tapi tenaga kan tetep sesuai umur.

iya gue ngaku.. gue ga bisa nerusin packing lagi. ngantuk, capek, teler, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.. nite nite people. have a good weekend.
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• mr. j'blomi died.

i came home late last night and went straight to bed, next thing i know there he was. dying. laying on the bottom of the tank, barely breathing. i really dont know what happened. i have been busy with the moving, packing, and my trip so i haven't been paying attention to my fish. it seems like he hurt himself, i saw a wound on his body. he looked fine last night when i fed them.

anyways.. im sad. its weird that i dont feel as sad as i was when mashimaro2 died. maybe, again, my mind has just been all over the place trying to figure out what to do next.

bye mr j'blomi.. i'll miss you. one thing i know, im NOT getting another fish to replace him. maybe rain is better off alone.

• gue lupa..

klo pindahan tu refot..
my feet hurt cuz i've been walking around the apartment trying to pack some of my stuff. the official date is nov 17th, but i figure it be easier if i start packing from now. i'll get a mover on the 19th, but i prolly gonna move lil by lil myself since the 17th. im excited!

tapi ya itu.. capek. ternyata barang gue banyak. tadi sih cuman beres2in bill2 lama, had them all shreded. and i packed the books, cds and dvds in one box. good thing i kept the moving boxes so i dun have to buy any more. i also packed some of my clothes, set some old old clothes aside to bring to goodwill tomorrow, and some for indo.

ohya, i signed up for wilshire one. i figure, if from the very start the guy is already an a$$h0le, why should i think he wouldnt be one when i rent the place? so i went for the super nice old guy who owns the place for the past 26 years. i know for sure he'd take care of the building. ya ga seeeeeeh??

udah ya. mo ngepak lage. aaaaaaahhh.. capekkk!!

• help me decide whats best for me!!

**Olympic/Curson**
- 1 bedroom, Hardwood floors, BIG windows facing towards westwood (nice view)
- BIG bedroom and bathroom, does NOT allow pets including fish! :(
- comes with NEW stove and NEW refridgerator, NO AC, UN-covered tandem parking
- It's less than a mile away from SJ, I can walk to work
- One year lease, price is below $1000
- Managed by an office with a jerk who's been stringing me along

**Wilshire/Crenshaw**
- 1 bedroom, carpetted new, BIG windows facing crenshaw (will be loud!)
- Regular size of bedroom and bathroom, separate sink (me likes), I can have my fish
- Comes with OLD stove and OLD refridgerator, AC, covered and gated parking
- It's closer to work, but I still have to drive (2.7miles)
- Month to Month lease, price is $25 higher than Olympic/Curson one
- Owned by a super nice old guy who's really easy to deal with

If you ask me, I like BOTH! They all have their own pluses and minuses. I can't decide! please help....

• i'm spoiled

..been getting mr. chewy's emails every two days last week, and i havent gotten any this week. now i'm nervous..

{{update 10:30pm}}
he sent me a myspace message, apologizing for being so busy and forgot to email me. he said he'll give me a call tomorrow.. yaayy..

• selamat ulang tahun ibu

met ulang ya bu. panjang umur en selalu sehat walafiat. ini ada puisi bagus buat ibu [nyontek dr eramuslim]:

Bunda, perkenankan aku bersimpuh dari jauh
Dalam gundah
Dalam lelah
Di setiap detak tak tentu
Serta dalam degup yang menderu.
Ingin kusampaikan untai kata ini di gendang telinga mu
"Bunda, rindu ini melangit lagi!"

i love you mom, always.
trias

• frustrated/fussy mode on

stupid chinese guy didn't bother to tell me that he actually got a deposit check for the apartment even BEFORE I applied. f**kin' idiot! now i have to start all over again trying to find me a place. aarrrghhh!

looking for an apartment can be a b*tch! i've been driving around since friday nite. some managers just dun have showings on weekends, so i've been going back and forth from my place (to get online on westsiderentals) and then go to the appointments.

so far, the places i saw were either overpriced, overrated, or the area was just bad. i dun think i'm THAT picky. all i need is just a one bedroom with parking, ac, heater, stove and refridgerator. but the places i went, they're either no ac or no fridge. and i dun wanna spend almost $1000 for a place that doesnt cover all! yes, LA is soooooo expensive to live in.

*sigh*

when things dont go the way i plan, there are 2 things that i can do, b*tchin' about it .. theeeeeen accept it. so.. whatevers.

• when things..

get weird between you and your used-to-be closest friend.. what would you do? I think I did my best to get her hanging out with me again. But NOs were all I got. Not sure whats going on really, but things just got weird.

At least I tried.

•

Taqaballohu minal wa minkum
Minal Aidin wal Faidzin
Mohon Maap Lahir Batin yee..
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[=picture was taken today at the consulate after praying=]

•

ehemm.. listen to this:
chewbacca just asked the grudge lady out.
the grudge lady is excited now, but trying to play it cool.
chewbacca said the grudge lady made his night at the party.
the grudge lady thinks chewbacca is cute.

**to be continued**

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi