stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• masi seputar strep throat

I was at the doctor office the 2nd time around and thought maybe I'd ask about my tonsils..

me: "Do you think I have to have my tonsils removed?"
dr: "Not necessarily. I could do a test to see whether or not you need to have them removed, if you wish?"

me: "No, I don't want them to be removed. Because then I can't be a singer"
dr: "Oh? You're a singer?"

me: "No. But I like to have that option..."

You should've seen the look on his face seconds before he burst out laughing.

• another strep throat?!

Oh ya, I got it AGAIN! Started out Wednesday afternoon when I felt a lump in my throat and my body felt warmer than usual. By the time I got home from class, I was having a hard time to swallow food. I took NyQuill to help me go right to sleep with the hope my throat would feel better the next day. But nope, I felt dry and the lump is still there. I called the same doctor who agreed to see me the same day, before my condition got worse.

I went in there, he gave me another shot in the butt :o), did a throat culture -he swab a sample of cells from the back of my throat-, and prescribed another kind of antibiotics. He told me to drink lotsa water, get some rest, and make sure I throw away the toothbrush I have at home. The strep throat bacteria could live there.

On the way home, I stopped by Simpang Asia to buy me bubur ayam -my comfort food while sick-, picked up the meds at pharmacy nearby, and bought me new toothbrushes. I got home feeling exhausted, weak, and annoyed. I cannot afford to miss work or school, so I'm hoping to get some good rest this weekend. Which means, I can't see my baby. :(

I miss him :((

• two subjects

I had a 1.5hrs phone conversation with my mom on friday. I don't call her as often as I wish to, but when I do, that's pretty much how long we usually talk. It's definitely long enough to talk about anything.. and as usual, she updated me with stories from back home from A to Z which i always enjoy.. until... for some reason, it always ends up with her bringing up the two subjects..

You guessed it right.
one, marriage and why I stay single living in a foreign country.
two, why I live in a foreign country to begin with

When it comes to my mom, honesty *unfortunately* isn't always the best policy. The last thing I want to do is hurt her feeling by being honest and tell her that I don't plan on doing any of the two anytime soon. So, either I'd keep my mouth shut, or I'd try to politely change the subject. yes, try. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't :o) and when it doesn't, it turns into an awkward silence til she gives up and talks about something else. haha!

Oh yes, I get why she wants me to remarry. It doesn't matter how many times I told her that I'm happy the way I am now. She doesn't budge. Sometimes I wonder if..
1. She thinks I'm lying about being happy, or
2. She's in denial that someone can be happy being single, or
3. She's set in her mind that happiness is if one is married with kid(s).

yikes. but i vote for the latter.
*sigh* i literally sighed just now.

My having been living in the US for more than 8 yrs now, she continuously thinks-hopes-and not afraid to say and ask me.. to move back home. she's very "keukeuh" about this too. ie: asked if i wanted to buy my future house in purwokerto, asked whether after finished with school i could use the degree to find a job in jakarta..

i mean, really mom? seriously?
*sigh*

my dad, on the other hand, has given up on both ideas.

when one colleague/neighbor/friend asked him about me -for their son-, he quickly said: (in purwokerto accent)
"oh, sing kuwe wis ora bisa diutak atik maning! wis ora gelem kon meng indonesia. kae bocah wis seneng neng amerika sih..."

(^-^)

• someone is in a better mood..

++ You are awesome!
-- Really? How so?
++ Because you are a selfless and generous person, and you give good scratchies
-- Thanks! ;)
++ And I appreciate you and love you.

gombal-e kumat :o)

ps. scratchies = his most favorite *my infamous* backrubs.

• i need

a new phone

a new ipod

a new car

Yes, NEED. Not 'Want', not 'Hope to buy'. I need them and I'll make it happen.

• what is "trying to make it up for fucking up"

Luvey you!
luvey you too!
How much?
thiiiiiis much! see it? how much do YOU l-o-v-e me??
Immeasurable!!

wih.. gombal tenan sampeyan, mas! ;)

• what is stubborn

you've missed work for 3 days, you sure you don't want to see a doctor?

i feel better today, i just need to eat. i dun see a point of wasting $25 on copay to see a doctor. doctors are bullshit. i worked at a doctor's office before. So i know. Plus, i just spent $200 on my glasses, i havent paid my electric bills.. i dun need to waste another $25 when i know i feel better today

okay... *males&bete dengernya* you know whats best for you, babe

are you still coming over tonight?

should I? you're still not feeling well. Should i just come over friday?

I want to go out w/ luci on friday. remember, she has that networking thing.

Oh? I dont get it. you'd rather go out tomorrow night and spend money then rather than going to the doctor?

Ok! I dont like that tone! you're acting like you were before...

Before you continue. remember one thing, I MEANT IT WELL. all I think is for you to feel better. spending $25 on doctor is an investment for your own body. $25 is nothing compares to how much you lost for not coming in to work the past 3 days.

ya, i know. but i dont get why you had to say something about my going out w/ luci. it's a networking i have to go because it's important to promote our movie

ok, fine. just remember i said those things because i meant it well. i dont mean it any other way..

~~
then I told him I needed to go back to work, and we hung up the phone.
10 mins later he called to apologize. not sure whether/not he's going to the doctor, and I could careless. I'm done trying to make him come to his sense.

• missing things

I don't know what it is with me, but I seem to be losing some random items lately. What's worse is that, I don't even realize it til just recently. On Sunday I literally took everything out of my car trying to find my iPod. :(

Then the list continues..
- 2007 Tax Return folder (I have 2003 to 2008. what are the odds)
- my bluetooth headsets
- a pair of silver earrings I last wore in Vegas
- my Nokia car charger

ugh.

• 1st day at school

it was a short class. it was only 1.5 hrs because the professor was sick-coughing a lot. but definitely loving the class, the teacher, the environment, and the overall spirit. i love it. can't wait to go back tonight for the English class. :)

• we didn't even do it

a call from a potential client:

"So ya, I came home from work and wanted to do it. You know, DO IT? and che said no, so I said yes you know.. And I 'gently' took her by the hand and che coll the police. I dunno why che coll the police! We didn't even do it!"

• what is valentine's day.

the day I found 3 long stem red roses in a clear vase on the kitchen table, along with a tiny card with "I'm so blessed to have you in my life. I love you, Brandon" written on it.

the day I had this horror look in my face when looking at Brandon walking down the stairs in a suit (YES! SUIT!) for our dinner, why? because I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt! Yes, I quickly changed to a black laced dress. (I love to play dress-up like this..)

the day I was treated to a nice dinner at a French restaurant nearby

the day we cuddled watching.... Zack and Miri Make a Porno. hehe, the movie is off a little, but I love Seth Rogen. so why not ;)

ask me what I got for him on this hallmarkish day?
a card.
i made it myself tho.
i mean, what can I say. I'm not a fan of this lovey dovey day.

yet, I shamelessly admit I love the attention :)

• sick :(

out of the blue, i woke up with a sore throat, pounding head, and bodyache on tuesday. i then had fever for 2 nights. horrible. i took ibuprofen 800gr my old doctor gave me, put on pajamas and sweaters, turned the heater in my bedroom to 80 degrees, and sweat my ass off for both nights to fight the fever (got it from my mom).

today the fever is gone, but the sharp pain i feel in my throat hasn't gone. no cold symptoms tho. it's hard for me to swallow anything. even water. i feel something swollen in my upper neck. i came in to work anyways and made an appointment to see a doctor later on today.

i know what it is. strep throat infection. i had it before and have been. my tonsils need to be removed. but i've been dreading to do it. surgery scares me. let's hope the doctor i see today won't suggest tonsillectomy surgery. call me crazy, but i want to keep my tonsils in. ha!

dr brandon "love" has been nothing but sweet, keeps checking up on me by phone, texts, and offered to come by to bring soup or fruits or anything, but i had to decline. i dun want to infect him, last thing he needs now is getting sick.

• spring for school

What a day.

I had the assessment test today, in Math and ESL. It took me close to an hour to finish 20 questions of Math (Algebra, Trigonometry, Geometry) and 15 minutes for 60 questions of English. Percentile result is 66 in Math and 99 in English. I'm bad ass at English and just plain bad at Math.. haha!

After the test, I went to meet a counselor. Long line. This is the last week before the spring classes start. After 50 minutes waiting, I finally got to talk to ms counselor who's very helpful. She suggested me to take 2 classes (3 units each) this semester, because I work full time. After looking through the classes, matching it with my work schedule and trips coming up, I'm taking Business 1 on Tuesday and CIS 4 on Thursday. Starting next week, 3-hour class each, 6:45pm-9:45pm, yikes! ;)

Tomorrow I'm going back to campus to show the transcript from my old college to the admissions officer, see if it's any good towards my AA degree goal. I doubt it, but ms counselor said it's worth to ask. I will also go to the campus bookstore to get the books I need. I'm excited! Way overdue, but finally I'm back to school!

Oh, I then was late for ob-gyn appointment today, much as I was rushing to it. I made it, had my "womanhood" checked. Yes, I'm still a woman and healthy :) By the time I was out of the doctor office, my stomach was crying for food. Got Wahoo's for to go and was back at my office desk by 2:15pm.

Man, I have accomplished a lot today :)

• My friends are my family

cabana club, hollywood ca: marilou's bday party. january 31st 2009

Don't you dare saying I don't hang out w/ my girls anymore since I've been w/ Brandon, because I do. The pictures say it all. I do the best I can to make efforts to hang out. The choice is in your hand, not mine. The flakiness is on your part, not mine. Having to live alone so far away from my family, I know better to surround myself with good friends-good people. You are one of them and it would pain me to lose you.

But.. people grow apart.
I just have to accept that.

• well it worked

If your mission for the day is to annoy me, well, your mission is accomplished.
I am so very much annoyed with you.
But you know what, I'll be a better person.
I will let this go, you go on and be miserable all you want.
Me? I will live my merry life as usual.
After all, it's Friday!!

• 11 months

B and I have been exclusively dating for eleven months and some change now. It'll be a year in March 17, yikes! haha. Looking back.. it was really easy for us. We went straight to exclusive since the day we met. Or at least that's what he told me. haha!

We definitely have our ups and downs, he said to me once, there's never a dull moment being with me. Not sure if it were a compliment or complain ^-^

We both are temperamental, sensitive, and stubborn. A lot to work on. Funny how we started off so easy then it got bad and now we're back to easy. Just like what they said in a magazine article.. Relationship is a pain in the ass :) but worth every second of it when/if he's the right person for you. The article also says that every 3 months, you learn new things about the person you're with. So true. One time I feel like I know him so well, and another time he seems like a stranger. I enjoy it tho.. the experience, the fun time, even the fights :)

And guess what.. this is going to be the longest relationship I've had since my divorce.
Atta me! haha!

• hope

Back in October 2007, my Dublin friend sent me a flower plant, supposedly for an apology for something silly he did. He sent it through an online florist. I don't even know the name of the plant, honestly.

For emotional reasons, I kept the pumpkin bowl somewhere, thinking that the plan would not last. Especially with the amount of time I spend at my place that I become to pay lesser attention to anything happening at my own place. I swear I thought it was dying at some point. The plant was not so cute looking I suppose, so I didn't really care.............

Until this weekend.

It blooms. With once every 4 days of watering, it is now blooming. I immediately grabbed my camera and took these pictures. *Oh, how I miss taking pictures*

Moral of the story is..
Hope is always there, all I need to do is nurture it.
Plant, friendship, or even love perhaps? :)

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi