stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• I find him..

looking so effin' sexy in this picture!

one of these days, I seriously will steal a pic of him with my camera. I really will.

• Easier than I thought..

T: hey d**, u there? :)
D: hey ..im here
T: so, last night when i was looking for some family pics of mine, i came across some pics of you and your fam. these are old pics (your baby pics and stuff like that)
T: you may want to keep them. its more valuable to you.
D: Yes thank u
T: i can drop it off to you if you want.
D: That would be great. Thank you very much
T: also. i made meatballs last night and thought about giving some to you.
D: =P~ really?
T: haha yea so, i can drop it off tonight at like 8ish if you're home
D: Gahh...ok...so im like on 12 hour days right now. :-S BUT I think i can get out of here by 8 tonight. Want me to text you when im home?
T: hmm.. i have to be in north hollywood by 8:30
T: tomorrow? i mean, the meatballs would still be good. hehe
D: ahh..I C
D: cool. that sounds good. ;;)
T: great. text me when you're home tomorrow night.
D: ok will do. thanks again
T: no problem.
D: Doh! Wait....u wouldnt happen to have any rice would ya? I kinda ran out like.......15 months ago. LOL
T: omg hahaha
T: fine. ill get you rice as well.
D: >:D< TY TY TY
T: >:D< np.

• we hit the highlands again

This happened on Saturday night. Kar and i got there early at 9:30 thinking we would beat the line before it got crazy, but it turned out the club wasn't open til 10:30p and that they're having a "show". The bouncer offered if we would go to the show instead of waiting outside in the cold wind weather. Slipping $40 on his hands, he took us inside and,

oh..
my..
god..

Hollywood Men.
The show he's talking about was.. Hollywood Men, people!!

Kartini went nuts! Just like the other thousands of ladies in there, raving, clapping, drooling, and screaming at these muscular guys on stage wearing nothing but the tightest underwear ever. Giving girls lapdances on stage too! And yes, of course you could see the bulges. They're waay too hard not to notice (no pun intended haha!) I wouldn't be too surprised if Kar wet herself down there! HAHA! One of the guys actually came up to our table and jumped on me. I have pictures as proofs ^o^ Too bad, the show had to be over by 10p, they needed to pack everything up for the club to open.

Short show, but definitely adds the fun of the night. Haha!

• it does

I found myself replacing pages for the CA Evidence Benchbook. One page at a time. On a Tuesday after a long 3 day weekend. I can't help but thinking.. I'm too fucking smart for this! I'm not being arrogant, but dammit, I can do better than this. Much better. I need to work somewhere I could actually use my brain. Ugh.

So then I remind myself over and over again..
"It pays the bills"

• cowo' kok ngambekan ya...

gw: "Let's go to Chipotle tonight! The one in Burbank. What do you think? ;)"
dy: "sounds good."

gw: "I'm thinking of going to Ikea Burbank tonight, like at 6ish.
Do you want to just meet at Chipotle after you're off work? You work in the area, right? Say.. you call me when you're on your way out and I'll meet you in front of the restaurant. What do you think? I know you usually have a late dinner, that's why I ask first."
dy: "Yes, that's fine. We can do that. I like to get it to go though...my Lakers are on tonight. Sorry!"

at this point, gw sebenere kesel. wtf. Laker's OVER ME??

gw: "I kind of want to eat out w/ you, babe. Maybe we should just go next time. Or, if you really want chipotle for dinner, I'll go pick it up for you. "
dy: "We can if you really want to babe. I don't care about the Laker's game that much. I am just not feeling well at all. I feel like I am getting sick again. It sucks!!!! I feel weak and my throat is sore. I just took suck aspirin, so hopefully I'll feel better soon."

okaay, now i feel bad. but.. what happened to "my Lakers are on tonight"???? *masi panas*

gw: "I do, but if you're feeling sick, it's ok. We can do it some other time. You get some rest, you need to get better if you want to drive up south to see your mom. Maybe I shouldn't come over?"
dy: "Forget I said anything. Just meet me at the restaurant. Just tell me exactly where it is."

walah, ngambek. ^-^

gw: "Babe, you don't sound too happy, and it's silly to be back and forth over a simple dinner plan in emails. :) Just call me when you get a chance. Please? :)"

akhire gw ngalah aja deh. yang cakepan ngalah. haha!

update @9:18pm: he called and agreed to meet me at the restaurant. he said "I'm compromising. Plus, I want to make you happy." Awww.. he's cute.

• well.. it broke.

and of course you managed to joke around and be a dork..

you: "Maybe we should get married"
me: "Maybe you should shut up"
you: "Ohhkaaay.. I guess you don't think it's funny"

and we laughed it off.

• this is BIG!

well at least for me, cuz he doesn't seem to think like it is a big deal. he's so calm about it.. so chill, zen-like, saying "Babe, you can have the key, just keep it"

*gubrak*
(ya, just imagine my face turning white)

• a mighty effort

Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a might effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leave away your innate contentment. [eat.pray.love.: elizabeth gilbert]

and THAT, baby, was why I put up with your bullshit. Because I want to stay happy. I want this to work as much as you do.

So, apology accepted. :)

• marked

today is the day, for once in my life, I'm being a quitter.
may 15, 2008. marked.

• a small step

Starting June 10, I'm taking Web Design class at LACC Community Service. Class begins at 6pm to 10pm every Tuesday for 4 weeks, so I will have to change my work hours on the days I'm going to it. Mother Mary (my boss) approved it already. Oh how I wish he would pay for it. Ha! I mean, he did agree to pay for my accounting classes, but this is obviously is far from what I do here, so I won't even hope for him to pay. Anyways, I'm excited. I finally took this small step to better myself at something I like to do during my free hours. Been dying to take this class for like.. ever, and been in denial thinking that I don't have the energy/time/money to do it. But ya know what, no more excuses. :)

• i'm talking 'when'..

Ok, this is going to sound hilarious and ridiculous. I mean, coming from me who thinks marriage is overrated, ya know. But then again I'm only talking 'when'. Not 'if', because as crazy bitter bitch as you might think I iz, I do dream of one day I'll have a 'real' wedding, so I'm being positive and say..

When.

When I have my wedding, this is "the" dress I want to wear. Ok, go ahead and laugh. Laugh your ass off. I know you want to. ^o^

But look at it! Look at the dress. I saw it at the Santa Monica Vintage Fashion Expo on Saturday, and boy, was it the most beautiful dress EVER or what?! And guess what, this was the one and only picture that came out good out of the 4 pics I took at the expo despite the fact that I was there for 1.5 hours carrying my camera around. Do you think that's a sign? Or maybe I'm just a lousy photographer, which more likely is. HAHAHA!

Ok, I'm done kidding myself around. I'm just joking, people. The thought of my thinking about wedding -which, of course, comes with "marriage"- is making me sick. I'm ready to puke now. Bye.

• Shrimp is the New Beef

This week, I'm back on No-Red-Meat lifestyle. I refuse to call a diet "diet". Diet is a lifestyle. Haha! Naw, it's because last week I ate so much beef so now I feel like.. bleh. So, for dinner tonight, I just made me some grilled shrimp, seasoned with black pepper sauce from trader joe's. Came out VERY good, if I could compliment myself, hehe. I also boiled some chinese broccoli to eat with it. Took the picture when it's still grilling hot in my new barbecue griddle! Oh I love love love the griddle! And I got it for cheap at Marshall's! Hehe.. Perfect for my diet -err.. I mean, 'lifestyle' *grinning* since I really need to cut down on fried food. I can't wait to make another dish. I'm thinking chicken breast would be good. Or tofu! Oooo.. yumm...!

On a slightly less interesting note, I've been dreading myself to change the skin of this blog and finally did it. Started off by getting some skins from blogskin, stole the html code and replaced the pictures with my own. Came out okay, I think. Hehe.. Very girlie, yea?

• 40 years and going STRONG!

You've raised us well and loved us true. You really are the best, admirable, and inspiring. Forty years together (wow), that's what life and love are for.

Ibu & Bapak, my thanks, my love and my wish:
For forty years more and MORE...

Happy Ruby Anniversary!

Love you much,
-t

• Everything is so easy..

Like a sunday morning. Like, at this very moment. I'm here all home alone, at his pad, using his MacBook, while he's out there, running the Runyon Canyon hill.

He's so complicated yet very sweet. He's private yet trusting. He has his way to get to my heart in a very slow motion, yet strong. I let him in with no worry feeling of getting hurt. I never had it so easy being with a guy, it's scary. There's no awkwardness, no pressure, no insecurity. I am not crazy head over heels about him, I don't have the biggest crush on him, I don't go all giggly like a high school girl around him, but I know, I'm falling for him. I'm happy and content around him. And it sure feels good.
[No-Ho, Morrison Street, Sunday 9:20am]

• 2008 To-Buy list

I need a new pair sunglasses. Like, seriously. I'm thinking of selling my Ray-ban pair on eBay, as much as they look cool on Iron Man (haha!), but still.. I want these GA 362/S. I do this a lot by the way, selling stuff on eBay so I can buy something new. Last month I sold 2 pairs of shoes and one purse so I can buy a new cellphone. I end up not using it cuz I'm still very much in love w/ my Nokia hehe.. I find it effective and cheap to do it this way than keeping everything in my closet and spend more on new stuff. I call it, cleaning out the closet ala Trias.

And this kick-ass digital SLR camera is ALWAYS on my list. Not sure when I'm going to be able to afford it, especially when I have Indonesia in my TO-GO list this year. I took Ireland off my list, I figured I'd rather see my family than stupid Ernest. Though after watching P.S. I Love You last night, I began to think that Irish men were hawt and to die for with their cute accent. Haha! You see how much I want in life? Hey, you gotta have goal to be able to reach it, rite? Now, the goal is to have both sunglasses and camera and take them to Indo with me. My life would be so much more beautiful than it is now! haha.. I wonder what I should sell for this camera? My soul? Hehehe..

• right when i'm not looking

last week on thursday, i was at this locksmith to get two office keys made. i asked how much it would cost to make two copies of each key, and this key guy (who is cute and looks mixed of white and mexican) said "well, it's actually 2 bucks each, but it's 1.65 for you because you're pretty". wow. i'm worth 35cents. that's like what.. almost 20% off. i feel special. NOT ^o^

on friday, a myspace msg and a friend's request popped up from a guy named Jorge, saying "hi, remember little temple? this is the guy w/ santa hat that you pushed to the bar to make out with. hope you remember me, cuz i do! what's up senorita?". gubrak. tolong ya.. i need not to be reminded of how bad i behave when intoxicated.

today, I was outside of my building, smoking my one and only cigarette with my hazelnut coffee, there's a fine soul brotha walked past me, smiled, and I smiled back. few seconds later he turned around, and said something i couldn't hear. I thought he's bumping cigs, so I pulled the pack out of my jacket and handed it to him. he said "no, I dont smoke. i was asking for your digit. I cant smoke w/ you but i can talk to you on the phone" in which i replied with a smile, "oh hehe. sorry.. i have a boyfriend". he smiled and said "aww.. well, if you ever broke up w/ him...". I cut him off "don't say that! haha" he went on "well, put me on your list. i see you here smoking every now and then. im sure ill see you again"

i gotta admit i enjoy the flirts. makes me feel good about myself. haha!

• iz my weekend yo!

[Friday 9:30pm] He likes "martabak" that I made on Friday's dinner. I touched the top of each to pick the least hot so he won't burn his tongue when eating it, gave it to him and picked one for myself. After watching me closely, he took one thai chili and bit the tip of it. He has this shit-this-is-spicy look and dorkily asked "Can you pick me one chili that's not as spicy?"

[Saturday 9:15am] I shifted a little when he kneeled down to kiss me in the forehead and softly said "morning candy-apple, you continue to sleep. I'll call you when the coffee is ready" and when I did, he was there in the kitchen, cooking us a late breakfast.

[Saturday 10pm] On the phone. "Are you with your other guy?", in which I replied "One is too many, babe. So, no I'm not. I'm at Indo restaurant with my GIRL friend eating late dinner."

[Sunday 8:15am] "Wake up, sunshine!! Time to go hiking!" loudly he woke me up with his phone call. He was already up in the hill of Runyon Canyon, running the hiking path. Oh whatever ;). I went w/ kartini a little later. We did well this week, 50 minutes without stopping. A little progress!

[Sunday 4:30pm] Soon after I got home from hiking-dimsum lunch in chinatown-watching Ironman in Hollywood-having yogurt in Beverly Hills with Kartini, I hit the shower and there it was a message from him "Yo goddess, I'm on the way to the gym, but if you're free, come on back over, I'm making shrimp salad for dinner."

[Sunday 6:10pm] Right when I parked my car in front of his building, my phone rang "Where you at?" while walking to his place, I replied in a lazy and tired voice "Oh, sorry babe, I can't come over, I'm really tired" ... (silent).. he said "Ok..." I burst out laughing "I'm HERE, open the door!!". Click. He opened the door and called me out "Dork!" hehe.. he gave me a hug and said "Ahh, you're back. It feels weird to come home and you're not here. I think you belong here"

[Monday 7:15am] I found that he set the timer at 7am on his coffee machine (instead of 8 like he usually does), so it's ready for me to sip before running out the door. I kissed his fingers gently not wanting to wake him up, whispered "Thank you", and I left for work.

Ugh yea.. it's Monday already. *sigh*

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi