stories of some bad ass girl

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Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• a month & a half?

whoa. i reaaally have not been writing. it's not like i dun have stories to tell. there's quite a lot actually. i've just been lazy, i guess. and busy at work too. lotsa times, i've been too tired after work, and the last thing i wanted to do is writing in my blog.

well.. let's see. i'll rewind the past real fast.. highlights only;

feb 23, my big sister's birffday. didn't get to call her on that day cuz my calling card sucked ass. my text didnt reach her either. she thought i forgot. good thing i got to call her the weekend after. happy b-lated bithday sis! love ya mucho!

feb 27, i had an accident. car accident. some chick turned left in front of me and hit my front car. dents and scrapes here and there. i was pissed. i wasn't at fault. i was shaky and disoriented for a good 15 minutes, not knowing what to do or where to go afterwards. it's in the process of getting my car fixed now. am keeping my fingers crossed. hope its over soon. (still driving a rental car now)

mar 3, jon took me to san diego. the idea was to get me to see his brother and sister and sister in law. i was nervous as hell, mostly for meeting with his sister in law. why, cuz she's been with her brother for 12 years that she's more of like his protective big sister. but it turned out we got along great! she just had a baby girl, isabella, and omg, she literally loved me. she didnt cry when i picked her up, instead we had so much fun laughing. yes, me and the 7 months old baby. which of course, made me more welcomed by the family. hehe. i thought they're all super nice and sweet and fun. we also went clubbing that night and pia, his lil sister, got so drunk, i had to keep an eye on her puking in the bathroom. she's a fun kid. hehe.

mar 9, had a huge fight w/ jon. nothing serious really. i was being a girl, he's being a guy. relationship is a pain in the ass. we talked it out and everything is fine now. we actually had a good laugh talking about how silly we both were. ;)

mar 10, hung out w/ kartini. went to a private party. pretty... interesting. why, cuz they had to take down our name and email address, and.. take our pictures! we both were sceptical at first. but it turned out so much fun. glad we went.

mar 17, got a text from my lil sister saying she missed me so much she dreamed about me and woke up in tears. awww. she said she didnt remember what the dream was about. i offered to call, but she said no and told me to call mom instead. which i did. but i didnt get to talk to her long enough cuz my friends started coming. yea, i had a potluck party last night. fyi, everyone loved my 'sambal goreng udang'. ;)

and guess who's sleeping on my couch now? yes. jon. he's too wasted to drive home. he carefully asked.. can i stay over? ill sleep in the couch. haha! and it's now almost noon, he's still under the cover, snoring! i've been walking around, cleaning my kitchen, making myself some coffee. still, he didnt move a bit! lazy ass. :-p

oh, happy st. patrick's day!

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi