I declined and quit the first job offer. Friday was my last day only after a month working there temporarily. After the first two weeks, I knew it wasn't the dream job I moved across the country for. Some may call me crazy for doing this, but if they did, they're the ones I could careless for.

What is life if not to dream big and go for it?
So, now I'm back in the job market.
Yep. Things I do to get what I want.

So, I sat here on my laptop, reading back on my old posts of when Laz and I were dating. I saw how much flaws and wrongdoings I did towards our relationship, while I had entirely blamed on his situation for everything that happened and of why we had broken up. Now, looking back, from a totally different point of view, 2 years after, and few thousand miles away from him, I knew.. it wasn't just him. I wasn't totally honest and faithful throughout our relationship. I have put just as much damage to it. Did I regret it? Maybe a little, but I know I shouldn't and can't keep looking back. I believe that it happened because it had to happen. Now I shall  learn from it and move on.. but.. 

This sets me back a little.

As it all sink in.. a text came in. "Hello monn, thinking about you.. I miss you!"

"How funny. I just re-read my diary of when we're dating. When I had car accident and told you I needed a new car, you said 'get knee pads and I'll buy you a new car' LOL -- I miss you too.."

"You kept a diary? That's funny! But, the deal is still on the table :D..."

"Stupid :-p we were a cool couple tho'. I had fun w/ you. Maybe didn't say this enough, but thank you for the sweet memories :) "

"Don't make me cry. It's tough, I tell you"

"Was tough for me too. But it is what it is :)"

Then next thing I know, he started sending me pictures of Dylan and him, a picture of an alcohol pitcher he's bringing to reggae festival tomorrow, telling me how bad it has been since the break-up and lastly, asking me to send new pics of me.

I have to admit, this.. threw me off a little. First I thought it was weird that I dreamed of mas Eko last night. And now, Laz texted me literally soon after I was done reading my old posts.

I can't say it's a bad day, but just weird... Like, it was a "let's remember Trias' exes" day or something ^_^

It's been a while since you came and visit me in my dream, mas.. It was more vivid this time and you didn't seem to want to let me go even after I woke up few times from it. Every time I fell on back to sleep, you were still there. You missed me from up there? Come to think of it, I never really wrote about you on here, didn't I?

It started when I decided to come to a musical show for our high school reunion (or was it a charity? I don't remember). As I walked in to the theatre, I saw a glance of you, but I was late to the show, so I just rushed to get to my seat. When it was over, I quickly made myself out of the building, not wanting to socialize with anyone, and there you were.

"Mau buru2 pulang, Yas?" you said. "Are you in a rush to get somewhere else?", you continued (in English). I looked up and saw your handsome face. You didn't look any day older. You're just as tall and handsome as I remember, curly hair and all :) You gave me the kindest smile as your hand grabbed my wrist to stop me from walking away. Next thing I knew, we sat on a bench, talking, while your hand held mine. We talked about the old times; how you dropped your love letter through a cracked window of my class, how upset my mom was when you showed up at my house on my birthday because it was school night, how we would go up to Kaliurang and we kissed as if there was no tomorrow, how you would wait for me in front of your house every morning and we would go together to school in my motorcycle, how he would kiss my hand every now so often while we're on motorcycle on our way to school..

I woke up for a second, I realized it was just a dream. But I fell back to sleep quick enough to still have you in my dream. This time we went back to the party inside. You held my hand the whole time we were there. Everyone seemed to want to talk to you. Ya, I remember how much you were liked then, girls especially :) I remember how proud I was to be your girlfriend. I remember how much dirty looks I got from these girls as soon as you announced that I was yours. How amusing.

I saw some familiar faces, my high school friends, yet I don't remember any names. One younger lady whispered to her friends, and I heard "Ohh, iya, itu mas Eko. Kakaknya Dwi.. iyaaa, emang dari dulu cakep dia itu" then they giggled together. I smiled at that conversation for it was all too familiar to my ears a long time ago. I was always that girl they called "pacarnya mas Eko" rather than a Trias. Then I felt your hand squeezing mine, so I looked up and he said "What are you thinking?", I said, "Nothing. I just don't feel comfortable here. I don't remember anybody. Can we please go somewhere else?". He hugged me and whispered "Sure. Let's get out of here.."

We were at your place. The very same house in Jalan Mataram. I was thirsty, and I wanted Teh Botol. So we both walked to the small shop across the street. I ordered a couple bottle of them. As I pulled out my wallet, the owner said "Sampun dibayar kalih mas Eko, mbak" I turned around to you, and you smiled. Oh so cute.

We sat on the couch at your place with your hand still holding mine. Something that you used to do a whole lot when we were dating. You did it oh so often that up to this day, I still remember what your hands and fingers look like. You looked at me as if you were about to kiss me. Then I woke up. This time I glanced at the clock, 5:15am.

We were at the balcony, you held me close. So close that I could hear your heartbeat. You said "I miss you. I've been missing you. Glad I saw you today." I wrapped my arms around you tightly, you then cupped my face, looked at me longingly and kissed me. I opened my eyes.

I woke up in tears.

I didn't get a chance to say how much I miss you too. I have not forgotten about you, mas. I'm sorry I haven't prayed for you in a long while, but I will. I will keep you in my heart and prayers.

Please, rest in peace.

Bad me for neglecting this blog. The road trip, the move, the process of looking for a job, have kept me busy, but it didn't keep me busy enough to update my life more on Facebook, which is l.a.m.e. I know.. but it is what it is.

Anyways, I'm now here in Virginia, living with my bestie and her two handsome sons, having a great job in Fairfax and all.. The goal was to have a job by May, and I got it. Alhamdulillah. So.. so far so great. I did get a pollen allergy at some point, which I never had before, but I got over it quick. The weather has been weird, but I'm adjusting well, I suppose. Better than I thought it's gonna be. Me, dealing with it, I meant. Not the weather.

Ok, let me see. Where should I start? Maybe it's better to have it chronologically listed here..

I got here on March 10, 2013, with Kartini. She was staying with us for a week. So, my first week was filled with a couple job interviews and going around DC accompanying her. On her last weekend here, Irish' friend, Bulan, was in town. All four of us went out to downtown. I met this (soon later on I found out) a crazy dude named Clifton. He is MARRIED, for mike's sake. I soon threw him out in the trash can. Next!

The feeling of being unemployed finally kicked in by the 2nd week I was here. I didn't really know what to do with all the free time I had. I could only spend so much time online looking for jobs, before I asked myself: Now what?

The third and fourth week I started to get the hang of it all, I joined the gym and hot yoga.. so I was busy with that while of course, religiously looking for jobs. I went to a few interviews in between.  The highlight of it all was.. I paid off my car! Granted I took the money off my IRA account, but still, it was a good decision to make.

On the second week of April, mbak Endah came to visit in LA. Her first stop was New York, so she wanted me to fly out there to see her. She was with her son and daughter. We spent 2 nights hotel stay in the Upper Side West area. Unlike the NY trip I did in 2007, this was not as eventful. NY disappoints me this time. Well, maybe it wasn't NY. It was more of the people I was with.

We all flew to DC, stayed in Holiday Inn by the Capitol Hill for the Cherry Blossom Festival weekend. This was when things got escalated from exhausting to annoying. I did my best to keep it calm, out of respect for mbak Endah. I love her dearly and as much as I love hanging out with her, I wanted to bail on her by then, because I couldn't stand her daughter.

After DC, we flew to New Orleans. Let's just say, I refused to let anyone or anything get in the way to enjoy what the trip could give me. My superpower to ignore people I don't like had to come out. I was there for mbak Endah, and no one else. So I did what I had to do to accomplish that. I succeeded.

After a week of traveling, I was beat and ready to get home and lay in my own bed. The next day, I had a second job interview at this family law firm in Fairfax. I didn't think I did so well at it, but 5 minutes after I left, my staffing agency called me and said the firm wanted to go ahead and hire me. Temporary job for a month, then they'll hire me. I was hesitant at first. This was not on my plan to do temping job. But I took it.

Two weeks later, I fell in love with this job. I could see myself making it a second home, working here for so many years ahead. It's the type of job that I would want to "settle" in. But do I want that? Do I want to settle just yet? And today, I was called for another interview. This time is with a Congresswoman, which means if I got this job, I will be dealing with the people at the Hill. I would be exposed to the world I never thought I could see. VERY promising for my career and future. Tomorrow is the interview. I already had an excuse in mind to skip work to go to this interview. Food poisoning. What else? :D

I tell ya, when it rains... 

It also goes without saying, in terms of boys..

Sir Hamlin is still around. Still cold, yet oh-so-dreamy. I keep telling myself to snap out of it. He's not the one for me, but I kept on thinking that he is. This needs to stop. With a little game plan in mind, I'm going to put an end to it. The decision is never in his hands. It's in me.

Then there's Sir Turner, who rolled down his window in the middle of deadly traffic at the I95-S at 1 am, to say hi to me. I didn't know what's got into me, but I yelled out my number to him, he took notes, and called me, while STILL stuck in traffic. Ha! He, reminds of Laz, in some ways. He has a 7 year old son, so.. yah. I'm not too sure about this one..

Last is Allen. We met at Ozio last weekend. To be honest, he's not the best looking guy. Tall guy, but again, not pretty to look at. I feel bad for only judging him by its cover. But he seems sweet. He checks up on me every day since. He has a good job and 2 years younger than me. Again, not too sure, we shall see..

I told myself to stop fucking around and be serious about finding the ONE. So I'll do just that. I'm not gonna look for it at the wrong places either. As a matter of fact, I'm not even gonna look. I'm just gonna do my thang, and let everything run on its own course. If it happens, then I shall be open of anything..

Anyways.. time for me to go to bed now. I got interview to go to tomorrow!