stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• what-ever!

dinner on monday - canceled. like at 9pm that very same night.
changed it to tuesday after class - now it's canceled again. just now. at 4ish.
changed it to wednesday - we shall see what's gonna happen.

bummed? of course I am. I can't help it!

Things I have to deal with when dating a guy with a son.
But I'm learning.
And compromising.
And def'ly doing my best to pick my battle.

"If ‘plan A’ doesn’t work out, don’t worry, you still have 25 letters left."

• surrender.

this icky-annoyed feeling I have.. needs to go. Pronto.
..and God, I surrender myself to YOU, YOU're the only one I can turn to.

• l.o.v.e.

"Love... We think about it, sing about it, dream about it, lose sleep worrying about it. When we don't have it, we search for it; when we discover it, we don't know what to do with it; when we have it, we fear losing it. It is the constant source of pleasure and pain. But we can't predict which it will be from one moment to the next. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without."

Things may not always be as smooth as we hoped for, but it sure is worth every second of it. I love you, luv. Like, fareal. ;)

• the day before first exam

if my eyes can talk, they would beg for me to stop studying, looking at the numbers on this Accounting book since Friday.. unfortunately, I can't. I'm not yet ready, though I know, eventually I will have to give it a rest.

and it doesn't help that Laz and I had to fight over things to do this weekend.. it's silly. it's only Monday and we're already fighting over a weekend night. *sigh*

think it's best to give it a rest, for both.
so.. g'nite!

• concerned

Family, man, I tell ya. Can't say much here but I'm just hoping they can work it out. And if it's much needed, I will help the best I could to save it. I love them damn too much to let anything bad happen to them.

• feeling girly

Slinky one shoulder dress with a shirred body and asymmetrical neckline, by Arden B. Got it for 65% off of its tag. Oh yea I'm good.

• My job is definitely secure -- No one else wants it.

This week, I've been feeling overwhelmed with the amount of work I have to do. Yes, I'm still covering for Susana who's on maternity leave until who knows when. The work itself is not hard, but it requires constant attention from me. Unlike my actual work who's pretty much set in stone as to when the deadline is, this job is oh-so-very dynamic. In a frantic kind of way.

Honestly, I can handle the job if it doesn't involve dealing with client calls. Sorry to say, they're stupid and ignant. I can handle stupid people or ignant ones by itself, but when the two combined, I swear. As much as I try to avoid it, it gets to me sometimes. Call me judgmental, but I swear they're stupid AND ignorant. At times, I wanted to fucken scream and yell at them. But of course I can't for an obvious reason.

..................*sigh*.........................

I did gave a long heavy sigh just now. The best I could do now is.. telling myself this so-called chants:

Work is work. Do the best you can with your two hands. 8 hours a day and that's it.

• the (read: my) prince

• another big step

Laz introduced me to Dylan, his 7 year old son, that cute kid I've been hearing the stories about these past 6 months.

We met up at the Harlem Globetrotters game at the Staples Center last Sunday. The game was fun but more importantly, I got to learn a little bit more about the other side of his life that he claimed to never expose to any girl he dated before. I finally got to see how they are with each other. Very loving. Dylan was chatty, very energetic, curious and good looking. I caught him looking at me, curiously and secretly :). I smiled at him and he shyly smiled back at me. Cute. His dad was even cuter cuz he didn't dare to even touch my hand throughout the whole time. Hehe. I understand why. It's a huge step on his part. I could tell he's more nervous than I was. Very cute.

Another bridge has been crossed. It was planned out well and went just as good as we thought it's gonna be. I'm glad we did it.

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi