stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• he made me laugh

me : "babe.. i really want and need a car"
him: "told you to get knee pads, and i'll buy you a new car!"
me : "ew!"

-------

• ...

And when she finally forgets you, don't you dare remember her.

• nada. he's that good.

Tonight, I found myself reading through my daily chats with Jay on YM. I miss him a little, and I know it's stupid to feel that way, but it is what it is..

Aside from missing him, I was also looking at stuff from our chat that he coulda mistakenly said, that coulda been caught as red flags, stuff that I missed. But nada.. or maybe there was, but I just couldn't make myself reading it anymore. We sure talked a whole lot. It was like.. every day, all day. And reading thru most of them doesn't hurt. I just feel stupid, yet I feel a bit better knowing that he's just THAT good at it.

Now, I'm just... exhausted.

I sure wish Laz is here to give me a hug. That, is what i really need at this very moment.

• Jealousy is a terrible disease.. get well soon!

I thought of not writing about this, but hey.. I don't want to ever forget that someone was trying to fuck me up at this early stage of my relationship with Laz. I will make her suffer, miserably, but in the most nicest way possible.

Rebecca. Laz' long time friend. I met her once at the Arsenal bar a couple months ago. I thought she was nice and cool. We were joking around, had cigarettes outside together and all that. Well, I thought wrong.. 2 days later, Laz called me saying Rebecca thinks I'm cool except the part where I danced w/ some black dudes.

Umm.. okay? Whatever.

Then last night, during our phone conversation, Laz told me he got a call from Rebecca, asking whether he took me to Julian, cuz she saw my status. Which is another whatever, until.. Laz asked "So.. who's Kevin?"

Ok, Miss Becky. Thanks. A Lot. Yes, I could be flirty on FB with whoever, cuz after all.. it's my effin FB! But.. you need to stick that nosey ass of yours out somewhere else. You, obviously, have way too much time on your hands. I understand Laz is your friend and I'm not about to take him away from you. Yet, I also understand that you can't have what I have with him, and that my friend, you just have to suck it up. Haha.

Gotta love the hater.

• All I want for Christmas is you..

Sounds cheesy, but it's true, and I musta been a good girl all year long cuz Santa got me you.

Started from Thursday night, you showered me with two of my favorite things: tequila shots and 11 roses. You sure know the two sides of me very well haha. I love the roses, smelled them soon as I woke up this morning and am looking at them now as I wrote this.

Then you took me to Julian the next day, made sure I was okay before you left me to spend Christmas eve with your son. I missed you all the 4 hours you were gone. But I had the most delicious steak at the local diner. That peppercrust steak is to die for!

And the long drive down to Encinitas you did for me, just so I could see Susy and her family, it was much-much appreciated.

And another couple hour drive rushing back to LA just so we could catch the Lakers game at Cabo Cantina bar. I'm sorry we had to eat bar food on Christmas day, but you seemed to enjoy it just as much as I did, well.. despite the fact that Miami Heat beat the crap out of the Lakers. You prolly saw my eyes lit when you said "Next year, we have to go see the game somewhere else!".. only because I like the possibility of being with you all next year.. :)

And the half hour nap we took, plus the annoying noise my upstairs neighbor, boy did we get pissed off or what! hahaha..

And the lovely people you took me to meet to have Christmas dinner. The food was SO good, I wish I had more hehehe.. and last but not least, the morning kisses you gave me this morning before you left. Aww.. I miss you already.

Thank you for the lovely time you shared with me, baby. I love every seconds of it.

• The L word has been said..

I've done the merry-go-round. I've been through the revolving doors. I feel like I've met somebody I can stand still with for a minute. And don't you want to stand still with me?

I got me a prince as my boyfriend haha. And it helps that he's CUTE! So.. yah, the L word has been said last night. I blamed it on the alcohol, of course.. haha. Naw really.. it was sweet, it was cute, it was... the right time. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

If only he could stop buying me roses every time we go to a bar! He should know me better I appreciate margaritas more than roses.. hahaha.. just kidding, love them both, got them both. :)

• Flashback #2 -- The Wedding

After 11 years of dating, the day had come that they tied the knots. Yah, finally. My little sister got married.

The night before, she decided to stay at her own room rather than at the apartment that I rented for the family while I was in Jakarta. I voluntarily accompanied her, making sure there's no "Runaway Bride" episode, haha.

I took some of behind the scenes pictures, yes -- in my high heels, while making sure the wedding going well. And it did.

I loved and enjoyed every second of it -- including when my dad choked for a few seconds before he gave his speech during "Akad Nikah". Everyone started to shed some tears watching this, while I was panicking, worrying about his recent heart condition. I quickly went over and rubbed his back softly, telling him to be calm and take his time..

Long story short.. Food was delish, bride was beautiful, groom was handsome, everyone seemed to have a good time. It went well, it went just as lovely as I have imagined.

Congratulations lil Sis. I'm happy for you.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner

• :( and embarassed

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' -Gibran

Men were born to lie, and women were born to believe them.

• Flashback #1 -- Lost in Translation (Seoul version)

Ok, call me crazy, but I flew Korean Air with 10 hour layover in Incheong on purpose. The idea is I wanted to get out of the airport, be adventurous, go to Seoul to explore, take bunch of pictures, and eat the food (num-numm)

Which I did.. until I took the wrong train and got a little lost for a good hour.. haha.

The flight arrived in Incheong at 5 am. Still dark outside. So I took my time, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and changed to a much warmer shirt. I went through the immigration just fine, well.. except that.. people here seem a bit unfriendly. Very uptight looking which is a total opposite of moi :D I felt like I was being friendly and of course.. LOUD. "Typical American", that's the look that I got. Especially when they tried to politely speak Chinese to me, and I laughed and said "Ya, I don't speak THAT" hahaha..

My destination is this market called "Insadong" that's supposedly located in the heart of Seoul.

I exchanged $50 to local currency (won). My thought was spending 50 bucks in a day is already a lot. By 6:15am, I was outside and boy, it was COLD! I went and bought the bus ticket. 7000 won to get me to Gimpo airport. I saw a digital locker available for 150 0won, so I left the carry-on bag and just took my camera w/ me.

From Gimpo, I took no. 5 subway line to Jongno 3(sam)-ga. From there, I was supposed to take no. 3 line going North which will take me to Anguk Station. But, how was I supposed to know which was is North or South? I ended up going South. Haha. How did I find out I went the wrong way? Well.. cuz I was supposed to go 3 stops in the #3 subway line. After 3 stops, it was not Anguk. It was.. I dunno.. something else. Something Korean, definitely hehe. I thought, hmm maybe the direction was wrong, let's check what the next stop is. Came next stop, nope, still not Anguk. Then I was like, the next stop maybe? :p Nope. It's still not. Yup -- I went the wrong way. So I quickly got out.

I walked and looked around. Couldn't find the same subway but the one going the other way. So, I went to this guy who looked like a student (from the uniform he wore), I said, "Excuse me.. do you speak English?"

The guy kept quiet, as if he didn't hear me, he didn't even look at me, he kept looking on the floor. I repeated myself "Umm.. Excuse me?"... that's when I saw his head bobbing up and down. Ohh, he had his earphone. Fudge me.

I managed to find a way to get back to where I was. I went back to Jongno 3-ga, then took the North no. 3 line. By the time I got to Anguk Station, time was 9am. I followed the sign. It was so crowded, everyone was wearing black, the guys wear suit, the girls wear nice black dresses with black tights with nice jackets. Right, they must be going to work. Oh, before I forget, everyone on the train seem to be very serious, they either read newspaper or sleeping. No one talks!! The subway was full of people but no one talks! I wanted so badly to talk to someone and be chatty, but I got scared.. plus they'd prolly think I'm crazy. Hehe..

I finally got to Insadong. It was 9:15am. And everything was still closed. Except this one little bakery shop. I went in there to get a cup of coffee and one chocolate croissant. Time was 9:30am, and nothing opened still.. I walked around for a bit, took a few pictures, almost got hit by some delivery guy on a motorcycle hehe.. then by 10am I thought: if it took me almost 2.5 hours to get there, it would take me about the same time. My flight is at 2pm, I could only walk around for an hour before catching the train back. Bleh.

Yah, I was too scared to miss my flight to Jakarta I ended up walking back to the subway station right then. Bought a few goodies in Gimpo for my family.

By 12:30p I was back in Incheong. Pffft.
So much for wanting to be adventurous.

• a month?!

OMG, I soooo need to blog again. So many things to write so lazy me. Hahaha..
Be back in a bit with Indo, Jay, Laz, car stories.. :)

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi