stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• bu sabar

Sabar.. sabar.. orang sabar kan katanya disayang Tuhan.
Orang teraniaya juga katanya disayang Tuhan.
Klo mo lebih disayang, gabung jadi satu. Masuk ke grup orang sabar dan teraniaya.
Apa skalian aja gw ganti nama yak?
Sabar Mayawati.. hmm.. not bad. (not bad, but the worst)
Trus klo dah tua, panggilannya Bu Sabar.
Hmm.. ga gaul banget yak.

• straight up ig'nant

Story A:
The sushi delivery guy came in with our lunch order, and as he handed me the receipt to sign, he said "Gong Xi Fat Choi!" in which I politely replied "Happy New Year to you too".

Story B:
Lisa (not her real name), half black half Puerto Rican, an assistant to one associate in our firm, who is definitely -not to be mean and is a factual statement- not the brightest bulb in the room. She's lazy and not really that smart. Ok fine, she's an idiot. Sorry, just have to say it. We all are often annoyed by her stupidity yet trying to be a smart ass self. This is the one woman who looks black, yet she insisted on saying she's Puerto Rican... UNTIL Obama was elected. Ya, she's a proud black woman now. Go on and roll your eyes. I know you want to :o)

A+B equals..
My Mexican coworker: "Trias, he said Happy New Year to you in Japanese!"
Me: "Chinese. It was their New Year last weekend. He prolly thought I was Chinese"
Her: "Chinese, Japanese, Indo, same difference rite?
Me: "You mean like you and Lisa..... same difference rite?"

I can handle racism remarks, but the ignorant ones are .. well.. harder to ignore.

• narcism alert (again)

i seem to pull the exact same smile when the camera is on me..

.. or at least until I've had one too many drinks.. ^-^

[all taken from my last vegas trip]

• relax

we didn't and are not breaking up. we're not 100% fine, we have a lot to work on, we both carry baggage from our pasts which of course shaped of who we are, as a person/character, in a way that it affects our current relationship, but it's not necessarily bad. we agree to not fight and communicate more.

This is us trying to make it work.
This is us compromising.
This is us growing up.

• me:

Taking a break is not an option for me. We either try to make it work, or we break it off, there's nothing in between. You're telling me it's no longer fun, you want to take a break, you want to start over. Ever thought how it makes me feel hearing all this?

Do you think I like it that we fight a lot? No. I'm miserable too when we yell at each other. But I don't just give up on us. When I talk like this, it's because I want to make it work. When I ask questions, it's because I want to get you, to get to know you. I'm not trying to get in to "your shit"- if I may use your term. I think it's only normal for me, as your girlfriend, to want to know you more. There were times when I feel like I don't know you, and it makes me want to fill in the blanks. It makes me wonder why and what it is that you're hiding from me. And you know what's worse? It makes me feel insecure. Insecure about us. I don't like having such feeling. I learn to never give such power to anyone. Yet, I respect and understand that you're a private person. I really do hope we're meeting in the middle here. Be a little understanding why I want to know more of my boyfriend.

I'm sorry that I don't seem to appreciate you enough, but I do. Yet I'm going to work on that.

And yes.. let's not fight.

• you:

"I don't want to fight anymore. Us, you and me, is no longer fun. Maybe we should take a break, I'm not saying we will, but maybe we need to think about that option. I feel like we've been fighting too much lately. Seems to me, I would never be good enough for you. I feel like you don't appreciate the things I do and only see the things I do not do and make a big deal out of it. I do talk to you babe, all the time. I share, so don't tell me I don't. I might not talk to you as much as YOU want me to. I might not share things you want me to share. This is the part where I said why you're a control freak. You want to control the things I share with you. I'm sorry to tell you, I'm a private person and very complicated, it would take years to get me and get to fully know me. You prolly never will. But I think it's good that you have to always learn new things about the person you're with, don't you think? It makes it more fun.

I have to admit, I'm miserable right now. I'm stuck at some shitty job while all I want to do is get out there and produce movies. I've been sending resumes out for literally.. a year now. Every month I have to struggle to pay my mortgage. I'm actually a happy person, but I've just been miserable ya know because of the shitty situation that I'm in. When we fight, everytime we fight, it just makes it worse. I become more and more miserable. I'm tired of our constant fighting. I really wish I at least have something to be happy about. Our relationship ya know.

Sometimes I wish to just start all over, I wish to start from zero. I wish I could just sell this house and start all over. I want to just give everything up. That's why sometimes I said about us taking a break. I'm not trying to push you away. It's because I'm just tired. When I said I needed to be alone, it's because I want to, and has nothing to do with you. Please don't take it personally. Maybe it's the artist in me.

I'm NOT an open book type of person. There's always going to be something new you learn of me every day. I'm always guarded like this and this is just who I am. You need to accept that and learn to let go, hun. Please. If you really want to make this work, you have to let it go and trust me that I don't hide things from you, ok?

Please don't cry. It breaks my heart when you cry, especially when it's because of me.

Let's try not to fight anymore, ok?"

• romantic hopeless

I went in to Hallmark store the other day, simply because they decorated the store in red/pink/valentine color. I can't deny that was why I went in there.

I started flipping one card to the other... I Love You section with the 3 magic words inside, then moved to the Flirty section but they're too kinky to my ears. The ones that have pop-up or music were even worse. Corny as ever. I then looked the Love - Humor section, and I thought.. okay.. maybe here is my place. Ooo, found one. I picked one that has a picture of a woman in jail and inside it says something like.. "I'm doing time in your heart, and I don't ever want to be paroled". Dun ask me why, maybe working for a law firm makes me think it's funny. But anyways.. I had that in hand and still looking through some more cards...

Til I realized.. wait a second. Since when do I care much about V-day? The last Valentine I had was couple years ago with Jon, and even then, I made my own card AFTER he showed up with flowers and chocolate. I had no other choice. Haha.

I quietly put the card back in its box, and walked away..

Romantic hopeless? Not me. :)

• a little note for you.

you said this long time ago.. maybe like, in march/april. i remember because it sounded so sweet to my ears..

"i don't like the option of not seeing you tonight. i miss you tons"

Wish you say such sweet words more, instead you said you wanted to be left alone. So yea, of course I was bummed out.. but I'm over it now :o)

Just thought of letting you know, I like it better when you're sweet :)

• It's coming my way, I can feel it.

Hope I'm well prepared when/if it happens.
mentally
spiritually
emotionally
rationally
financially

I will prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

• Words of wisdom for Mellany

Keep the “dating” part alive after you’re married. Like.. go out have few drinks til Matt does his sexy dance move from across the room, get him drunk and take advantage of him ;) or go sailing with him much as you don't like the seasick or find ghosts at some local haunted houses, or anything that you guys do while dating. It helps to keep your love live exciting.

Trust your husband, love him, adore him, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Ok, I'm only half-kidding for the last part. Haha!

• what happens in Vegas, spills on here

Boys wise, we all were behaving pretty well there. Booze wise, we're way over the top. Haha.. and spills.. well.. I could give you a story, literally about spills... but let's not get into it. It's too petty to even be mentioned, let alone blog it here. ;) Move on over!

I have to admit, the trip was "ehh".

It was definitely "Vegas" fun, ya know with the drinking, the partying and all. At first the thought of hang out with 2 other best friends and 2 cousins of Mel's and Mellany would be super cool and fun. I'm talking 5 pretty and smart Indian girls, ya know how I feel about smart chicks, but turned out it was just an okay experience.

I'd just say... If it weren't for Mellany -of course meeting Mellany is always always fun- the trip was sucky. Thank GOD for Mellany, hehe. We had a nice little talk here and there, in between our scheduled plan. (She's coming in town in two weeks! Yay!)

So, by Sunday morning, I was READY to get out of the hotel, hung out with Lia, who took me to a delish dimsum place in Chinatown, treated me a durian boba (numm numm), and took me to the airport to fly back out to LA to see my beau. Phew! So glad to be back home.

ps. pictures from my camera coming up soon, the 3 above were the ones taken by two club promoters.

• bitterness...

..is something that fades over the years. We have none of it left, and it feels good. :)

Dart: Wait! You remember the Atomic Elbow Drop right? That didnt hurt did it?!?! hahahaha
Trias: :)) okay. that was random. but no i dun remember it being hurt
T: why. have you been dropping it to people surround you?
D: hahaha Ok sorry. I was just discussing with my bro at work. hahahaha people here are SAD I tell ya
D: no no...they aint as tough as you! Weaklings around here!
D: Found out I'd runt alllll the way to the living room and back....and the guy here almost fainted. sheesh. lol
T: hahahaha
T: i like that. To think im tough :D
D: you are trust me lol
T: hahaha thanks.
T: btw. i havent forgotten abt the banana chesse pastry i have for u in my freezer. im really gonna drop it off maybe monday?
T: plus another envelope full of your pics
D: ok cool. i have a piece of junk mail for you too. Oh and a pic from Uncle Jr for you. Old Christmas pic
T: aaww.. how is he doing? still being uncle Jr? :D
D: Yeah but he's FINALLY getting his wife back. Him and his ex are FINALLY back together. he's ecstatic. and FINALLY moving out.
T: omg. really! good for him! all these years
D: yeah. Too bad grandma is really sick now though. She kinda needs him around, but hes moving out this March ithink
T: :( sorry to hear that
T: not to be nosy, but i saw the pics of your baby brother on FB. he's super cute with his curly hair
D: lol aww yeah...Nick I love my lil bro. Should see the pics of him as a 6month old. He, my dad and ME all look alike. lol
T: ya, i was gonna say :D u three look alike.
D: lol prelude to da funture. I hope too see him this summer'
T: u pretty much guess what hes gonna look like when he grows up. in the mirror haha
D: Yeah just a little brighter. Hope thats a good thing for the lil tike. ;)
T: hahaha brighter
D: lol :p
T: neways. gotta go back to my work. tell ur coworkers they're weak! ttyl!
D: lol I will. good talkin to ya :D
T: u too :)

I like that we can have a normal conversation like this. Maybe one day, when time allows us, we can be good friends to one another. :)

• some random stuff

- I haven't called my mom since my sister's wedding. It's been on my mind a lot, but I keep forgetting to buy a calling card. Sorry mom! :) I'll make it a priority to do this week! Promise!

- Jon got a new girlfriend. He texted me a couple weeks ago just to tell me this. Random, yes. Happy for him tho. Until later on I found out, she isn't actually living in LA, she had to move back to Brazil 2 weeks after their relationship cuz she's way overstayed in her visa. yikes. Right when I thought he's changed and moved forwards with his ability to have a relationship with a girl. But hun.. Long distance doesn't count in my book. Klo kata orang indo, sama aja bo'ong. hehe.. Either way, I'm happy for him and wish him the best of luck.

- Brandon and I still fight. Not as much, but always comes with lots of yelling follows with laughing. Fun, but exhausting at times. But then again, I have zero expectation when it comes to him and our relationship. Not bitter, I'm just more rational. I think.. :) I hope we last long. Hehe.

- I'm planning on taking up on Brandon's offer to train me at the gym. My friend said if I haven't lost any weight with the diet and work-out I do, big chance I hit the plateu. Meaning I have to totally change my work-out system. I might have to do more of weight training than just yoga and cardio. Might have to give up my favorite yoga class *sigh* but oh wells..

- Lately, I've been annoyed with the people I work with. For their eating habit. I mean I could careless of whatever they put in their mouth. Not my body, its theirs, so, who cares, right? But that wasn't the case. They have the power to make me feel bad for not eating as bad as they do and show me attitudes (or stink eye) when I refuse. Which is what I do 99% of the time. I had it enough today and leveled myself to theirs by making a snotty-smart-ass comment of the donuts they're about to swallow. Unnecessary, but I had to.

- Vegas trip is coming up real soon. This weekend!!! Can't wait to see Mellany again. One girl already showed some bitchy tones on our long exchanging emails. Let's hope there won't be fights between the 6 girls. Hehe..

- I was bummed about Chase credit card, they raised the percentage of monthly minimum payment without notice. Good thing I caught it before the due date, which gives them no reason to raise my flat low rate. This is the credit card I used for my sister's car payment. She's in no condition to pay right now, let alone at a higher amount. I'd have to take over the rest. I have to really watch my cc bills now, with the economy being so bad, some have changed their policy with or without notice. *sigh*

- This isn't something I'm happy nor proud of. I paid my parking ticket today, after delaying for 1.5 wks. $55 is a lot of money. Not happy, but definitely learn my mistake.

- I miss taking pictures. Good pictures, I mean. I'll have my camera with me in Vegas, so we'll see.

The end. :o)

• insya Allah

2009 goals

To be Debt-free by September
A new car -I'm due for one! My car will be exactly 10 yrs old by October

2009 trips

Bachelorette Party for Mellany: January 16-18 - Las Vegas, NV
The Wedding of Matt & Mellany: March 26-29 - Atlanta, GA
Meeting with Irish, Xave and Kee: September 4-7 - Washington, D.C.
Lilo's visit: December 18 - January 1 '10 - San Francisco, Las Vegas, San Diego

2009 resolutions

START SCHOOL already, darn it! :)
I've been wanting, thinking and delaying it for too long, it's time to set everything aside, get ready to give up on partying, and be smarter managing time between work, school, friends, and of course- the boyfriend hehe, but yea, it's time to make it happen!!

• so much for working at a law office

We have a new client named **** Tai.

Trias: Chica, I just realized. Tai means Shit in indo
Trias: like poop shit :p
Susana: how do you say it?
Trias: tah-ee or ta-ee

and sure nuff.. for the past 2 hours, she's been randomly yelling out "TAI! tai!"

oh, one time she asked me how to say Sugar Tits in bahasa, i said Susu Manis. Since, she's been calling me Susu Manis. And she wrote it in slank words too: Susu Manies. ;)

• an innocent mistake

Ok, this is a true story. It happened yesterday. To me.
Larry wanted me to draft a letter.
It was made out to Stewart Title, located on Brand Blvd in Glendale.
Once finished, I put it on his desk for his review. Few mins later, he called me, and said,

"Everything is great. Except the part where you typed Brandon Boulevard for their address."

^-^

• her wedding pictures

here's all I got from Lupi.. I think mbak Evi looked so purrrty! :) Gotta admit, gw ga puas2nya ngliatin poto2-nya.. and of course, can't help to feel bummed for not being there. *sigh* oh wells..

Once again, Congrats to mbak Evi and mas Igun!

• Bye 08, SWELLcome 2009!

B and I decided at the very last minute to invite some people over for new year's eve party. We didn't go all crazy like we did on Halloween.. plus, we knew when we sent out the evite on Sunday night, people might already have a plan. Turned out 12 people showed up, 4 left to go to another party, 8 stayed for the countdown.

Gotta say, I've done it all.. 2004 just at home being miserable from the break-up, 2005 crazy wasted partying with Mel-Ji-Ernest, 2006 another plastered party plus rose parade the next day with Jon, 2007 wicked vegas with Ernest resulted in 6-day sickness (yikes!).. and a very chill yet lovely party with Brandon to end 2008. Oh yes, I was drunk again hehe.. but I couldn't pick which party I love the best out of the 4. They all have special meaning to me. One day I would want to spend NYE in New York watching the ball dropping along with so many crazy drunks I always watch on TV hehe. And in New Orleans, Paris, and London. Oooone day.. :)

Looking back, 2008 was a pretty good year for moi. Got my raise, got me a boyfriend and a 3 weeks paid vacation to Indo. Life is good, and I'm very much grateful. As for resolutions, I haven't had any yet, but yea..

Year 2009, bring it ON! :o)

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi