stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• i'm such a b*tch

or whatchamacallit, a whore? hahaha. all i did was one, just one lil tiny short text message. chewy replied with what.. 3 phone calls, then drove 35 miles away to see me for a good 1.5 hours, and drove back to his place which means another 35 miles. Called me again from his house, to say 'sweet dreams' to me.

wow. i didnt know its that easy. hahaha.. boys are so predictable. i called him out as dorky and a man slut. *devil mode on*

• the way i describe him

*he's tall, so tall i was barely able to wrap my arms around his neck. without my high heels, my head was not even on his chest when we hug.
*he's in the movie industry but doesn't like the idea of being in hollywood. i could find his name on the credits for shrek, madagascar, shrek 2. will soon be on shrek 3.
*he's big and a hockey player. he also plays golf ocassionally.
*when he plays golf or is in the sun too long, his face turns pink. aka: burnt.
*he's older than me, 3 years older.
*he has a flirty smirk which shows he's a player.
*when he smiles, i see twingle in his green eyes.
*he has this long wavy hair, and when ponytailed i could see his left ear pierced with a thin tiny gold hoop earring.
*he has a smell-nothing natural scent and also doesn't use perfume.
*he likes to hold a cigarette and doesn't smoke it. he said he just likes the smell of cigarettes.
*he drinks tequila with ice, a lot of ice.
*he draws his guiness beer with penguin, irish leave, or a dog.
*when he talks, he gives me the look that will draw me closer.
*he's not cute. he's... handsome. a guy-kind of handsome.

one little drawback, he's fun and likes to have fun. so i better be careful.

• brb

ya know what, i'm bored. rather than finishing my 2 books that were borrowed from the library or watching those 3 movies I rented from blockbuster, i, decided to do another impulse-and-i'm-so-fucking-bored-i-just-have-to-get-out-of-LA thing for myself. so, i'm off to the gay-land, peeps! wish me luck, if ya know what i mean. as a very good friend said; your face better be glowing from you-know-what when you get back!

gotta love her! :o)

• hint hint!

> And ssssshhh.. do not tell Ji or Allen, please? Let's
> make it our 'lil secret! :o)

ooooohh... you a naughty girl ;)

• you're jon and i'm garfield

no actually, i do miss you. i hope you call me today as promised.

• me, breaking my rule and the way chewy saying hi

"here i am.. breaking my own rule and call you. just wondering what you're up to and hope i can see your after-australian-trip face this weekend. hehe. call me, will ya?"

he called back within minutes after he got off work, less than an hour after i made that call. asking me what my plan was for the night. too bad i had the adidas anniversary party to go to. shoot.

he called again late last night. asking how the party was. sucked. the party sucked so bad i left at 10:15! free booze doesnt always mean fun. especially when im the designated driver. :p

awwww, he said. then continued.. so, can i come over and cheer you up? we can have our own party! ha!

long story short: cute. he's cute. tall and cute. he's flakey, but cute. he's a player (i could totally tell), but cute. and last night, it was cute. ok i'll stop saying cute. oops. ;)

• feel better soon..

really sis, it freaked me out to hear that you just passed out during your phone conversation with your bf. so many 'what ifs' running through my mind when i heard your story.

what if you weren't on the phone w/ your bf?
what if you were by yourself in your room and no one found you?
what if you're on your way to work when it happened?
what if you're on a cab? or at the mall?
what if..

seriously, take care of your own health, will ya? hope you feel better soon. *hugs hugs*

• two things

to chewy:
thanks for calling me! really. i don't call guys. and im glad i told you that. so you can call, not me. hehe. and yes, sure, we'll give it another try. and lets not screw it up again? i'm excited! ;)

to you:
why? what did you want from me? what was going on last night? off all people on your phone book, why'd you pick me? i didn't regret picking you up and being there for you, cuz im a good friend, but i need an explanation, i want one, and i know i deserve one. you could've called someone else, or even better, you could've called a cab. instead, it was me you called. and when i asked why, you said nothing but the usual "i don't know"

• bye..

be safe and come back soon.

•

Sometimes a heart can't afford to be "just friends"

• 38 years and 100 years more to come!

Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?"
The other replied, "Yup, a big one ... 20 years"
"Wow," said the other. "What are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?"
The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia"
"Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?"
"Oh, I'll probably go back and get her."

Hehe.. :)

Bapak, Ibu, Happy Anniversary. Maap tadi malem ga bisa nelpon. Insya Allah ntar malem tak coba lagi. Sorry for not being there to celebrate this for the past 5 years. Please know that I love you two so much. And that you two meant the world to me.

Love you love you love you love you!

• mellany is back!

"seriously, u two should watch out how close friends u become. its just going to get harder and harder on u. i'm sorry girl. but i really think u aren't looking out for urself here. i know u want to be his friend, but its obvious u guys cannot be JUST friends. i don't think u should be putting urself through this. i hope that wasn't too harsh. i know u're just trying to have a little of him before he goes, i get that. i would be the same way too. but i just don't want u getting hurt"

.... half an hour later..

T: i know its NOT gonna get me anywhere. yet im still doing it to myself.
M: honestly, i would probably do the same thing b/c i'm a horny idiot
T: hahahaha are you saying im also a horny idiot?
M: hehehehe ummmmmm
M: i plead the fifth
T: HAHAHAHA

• now what?

i hate to break it to you; but things seem to be recycling. i think im falling in to the same shit all over again. deep shit. but ya know what, i'm not going to sweat it. enjoy it while it lasts. it doesn't matter anyways. you're leaving. i'll move on. but for now, let me have a piece of memory of you.

• we're friends. just friends.

wow, you... talked. finally. it's about time, right? and we did, really did a lot of talking. tho' it involved lots of margaritas and i dont think you weren't being 100% honest with me, but im glad we talked. and im glad you cared enough to call me to get this over with.

YOU:
* What was going on that night?
* You were not the most pleasant girl that night
* I am sorry for not being sensitive enough
* You yelled at me and told me to leave, so I did
* You cockblocked me
* Say you're with me -Bulgogi man-, then Peter comes in, I'm sure you would go for the dimsum guy!
* I like hanging out with you
* The timing is just not right. I like you too, a lil bit
* I don't want to have any relationship
* What do you want me to do?
* If we're going to be just friends, no more jealousy please
* We can fool around too if you want, just call me
* The code is "The basket needs some eggs"
* Find yourself a nice black guy

ME:
* I was jealous, stupid and acted very childish.
* Because I like you
* You're being a jerk. Friends take care of each other. You fuckin' left me.
* Girls say stuff they didn't really mean to say, you should know me better
* I am sorry for yelling at you
* I will not apologize to her -fucking whore- she's not my friend
* Fine, so I cockblocked you, but I promise I won't do that again.
* Peter? What, do you think I would hook up with all of my friends?
* I like hanging out with you too
* I don't like liking you and I do not want to have relationship with you either
* Stop asking "what do you want me to do"!
* Fooling around? Wow.. like a fuck buddy?
* And what's the code again?
* You just don't fuck, do you?

And spending 8 hours with you was fun. Thank you.

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi