stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• ok, this is silly

i met him once. yes, once. and i already couldn't stop smiling for our next date. mind you, he's not even that good looking. he's not the type i would flirt either. i mean, he's not ugly or anything like that. but after talking to him for 3.5 hours in the cold weather outside coffee beans last monday, i couldn't help but thinking.. hmm.. this guy reminds me of.... me.

he's funny, punctual, has a huge sense of humor, likes and listen to hiphop religiously, he wears glasses and also a ring on his left index finger, he talks to other drivers when driving, says "naw, i'm just kidding" a lot, drinks water a lot and always has bottles & bottles of water in the car, and he has sinus only during winter. you see?! he's so me. haha.

he's also likeable from minute one, the kind that you would be comfortable talking to. he was kind enough to pick up a small cigarette ash off my jacket, opened the car door for me, and didn't try to be stupid by kissing me or anything like that. he just said if he could hug me, in which i said yes. and i found his hug to be warm and.. comforting.

but this is silly. i've only met him once! ONCE!

• i'm on a roll!!

.. like butter ;)

2 dates with 2 guys for this week alone. hopefully more to come. :))
stay tuned..

• help me move on, dammit!

from now on, there will be no effort coming from me. no more hanging out, at least not until i find someone else. 7 months since we broke up, never once i went on a date. i met guys, but nothing towards a relationship. this is beginning to annoy me that he doesn't make it any easier for me to move on. it seems like i would have to do it on my own.

i need to pull away. wish me luck.

• resolution 2008

1. Cut back on spending $$ on silly things
2. A New JOB
3. A trip to Europe and/or Indonesia

I have a strict plan for resolution #1 and am excited to start next week. I'm setting myself to spend $10 a day for fun (which includes lunch) so i will have stacks of $10 bills and take one out everyday. and if i have something leftover from the $10, i will put it towards weekends money. and i get to spend whatever i have left on weekends. $10 also applies for each sat/sun. i think $10 is the right amount. i'm aiming the amount to include groceries that goes towards lunch but not stuff like water, milk, or orange juice, or detergent or something like that. It will actually force me to stop buying silly things like starbucks or pastries, cuz it would make me stop and think, do I want to spend $3.25 out of $10 for coffee and only have $6.75 for lunch?

This plan would make me spend a total of $310 for lunch/dinner/fun a month, which now i think i spend more than $600, silly me i know.

One huge reason why i MUST do this plan is resolution #3. I want to travel more :)

• dibalik kelucuan Ian, ternyata...

WARNING: this post contains explicit photos, be prepared!!

Lupie: sist.. arep ndelok foto bocah ndeso nang mall ora? See attached!
Trias: waaaah, ponakanku kok ndeso banget yo. nonton tipi-ne ndodok. hahaha! send me more pics of his losing teeth, please. hehehe

Trias: waaaaah.. kok untune kuning??!
Lupie: hehehehe kuning ireng
Trias: gripis meneh.. wah payah
Lupie: nggilani tenan ponakanmu
Lupie: tapi tenang... kuwi mengko tukul meneh kok

Lupie: kui ra nganggo celono :))
Trias: eewww nggilaniiii
Lupie: senengane nyekeli titit mba.. duh jan...
Trias: idih.. kok gitu?
Lupie: taukk..
Lupie: tapi jare angger cah cilik pancen senengane ngono mba
Lupie: munculnya rasa birahi
Lupie: :))
Trias: :))
Trias: nggilani. jarene sopo kuwi
Lupie: aku moco nang salah satu majalah.. tapi pancen gitu kok.. jajal di google nek ra percoyo
Trias: hahahaha

I know one thing; when he grows up, and I show this post to him and/or his future girlfriend, he would turn against me! haha!

• this should be posted on my photoblog

but who cares.. it's still my blog. hehe.. anyways, ever since i bought my camera about a year ago, i always wanted to take sunset pics. decent sunset pics. but i didn't get to have one til yesterday. they're not great, but i love them. it's a photostitch, 3 pics into one. i dunno why i'm so proud of these two hehe.. enjoy.

[taken from the Griffith Observatory 1/12/08 looking at westwood]

• he should be up in the air by now

ernest does. i gotta admit, i'm gonna miss him. i guess it wasn't bad at all having him around. it's actually been more fun than i thought.

last night i had to call him so he could take me to cedars sinai emergency room. within 20 mins he showed up. waited for me at the beverly center cuz he didn't want to be with so many sick people in the room. took me to the pharmacy afterwards, came by my place, waited for me to finish my dinner and sorta tucked me in. haha. yea, he's been sweet. though he stayed in a hotel since saturday, he still came over the past 2 nights and left late. and this morning, he came by, dropped off my gap shirt that i left in his car and brought in cranberry juice for me. hehe i guess he only got me in la. poor kid. btw he left today. flew back to dublin, where the irish people live.

have a safe flight, buddy. i miss you already ;)
(i just realized we didn't take any pics TOGETHER this time. so i cant put up a pic on this post. weird. but oh wells)

• ask, just ask

how many hours of sleep i had last night? ZERO. Nada. Zip. i stayed up all night for my nose couldn't stop running. i think i wasted the whole tree worth of tissue boxes. this is bad. i called in sick cuz i look like a monster theres no way i would be able to function at work.

ernest was nice enough to drop by last night with hawaiian bread cuz i told him i was craving for it. it was raining hard. he took me out to dinner and got me some soup at mishima. that was good. i felt like i havent had a real meal since friday its insane. he stayed in until after 11:30pm singing karaoke by himself. 2.5 hours looking thru the songs and sang few beats of every song he could think of. what a dork, i know.

this morning, i'm determined to go outside to the park or something. get me some fresh air, maybe it'll help. i opened all the windows in my apt as well, just to get fresh air in. this whole freakin "you have to stay in bed when you're sick" sounds like a bull to me now cuz it didnt get me any better. one good thing about being sick tho.. i stop smoking i mean, i did crave it occasionally, but not stupid enough to have a cigarette.

• a sound from the past

"how long do you boil chicken? :)"
dart. texted me. out of nowhere. with that question. weird eh? but i went along and replied "an hour or until they're tender. what r u makin?"

"oops. i think i waited too long. i try to make your fried chicken. had the similar kind of chicken at evelyn's new years party last week and now craving for it"

you know.. one thing to be back in good terms with your ex, but for this one, i don't know if i wanted to be that close again. he seems to text me more often the past 6 months now. which is interesting to watch. but anyways, i closed the text-chat with:
"good luck then. hope they come out good"

thats the end of it.

• still sick here..

my voice is not back yet. i still sound like a dude. i'm not liking this. i don't remember the last time i was THIS sick. fever, headache, dry cough, runny nose, sore throat, body ache, you name it. i haven't been outside since friday night. i'm dying to go outside but know well enough not to. plus it's been raining all weekend. but i'm so sick of my apartment now. i do my best to keep myself entertained; reading michael connely's book, watching re-run of stupid decrassi on channel 5, going online, but man.. it gets boring after a while. i also live by whatever food i have left in my cabinet and fridge. i'm losing my appetite plus i don't even know what i want to eat. cuz i also lost my taste buds. everything tastes plain if not gross in my mouth. i know well enough to eat though in order for me to get over this nasty cold. been drinking warm water too to calm my sore throat. you should see me, i'm a mess, i look like one of those homeless ladies who hasn't showered for days. ew. this is such a great way to start 2008 (i'm being sarcastic, btw)

ugh. i think i'm done bitching.

• i sound like a man

lost my voice cuz i'm very very sick. finally the cold caught up w/ me after all the drinking and smoking in vegas, i think. plus it was super cold there and i barely had enough sleep. i had a bad fever too last night. i kept coughing. my throat is itching and hurting. i had trouble breathing so i couldn't sleep! what a nightmare. i ended up just staying in bed today. ernest felt bad cuz he knew i got it from him. so he left today and stayed at a hotel in west LA til he leaves for dublin. what a dork.

anyways.. let me tell you about my vegas trip. it was a lot of fun! we went to The Gun Store, which is an indoor shooting range. That was the first time I held a riffle gun and a hand gun. Some scary shit! But fun and exciting. Yet I know I could never kill anyone w/ a gun. It's nerve-wrecking to pull the trigger and shoot.

since i don't gamble, my days in vegas were filled with walking around, accompanying ernest playing blackjack, drinking, and going to bars/club. waaaay too many people there on new years eve. they had fireworks and people went crazy on the strip. i also got to meet up w/ lia and shinta. and we went clubbing at Prive, the club at the newest Planet Hollywood casino hotel. though i would prefer spending new years eve at a house party with more friends, all in all, it was a lot of fun.

• back from vegas last night

.. and still recovering. yea, drank way too much :o) and had too much fun.
i'll write some more tomorrow with some more pictures!

and HAPPY 2008!!

[picture credit to ernest]

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi