stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• Snow day

This is what I woke up to this morning... 9F and 10-12" heavy snow, mixed with afternoon rain.

and this is when someone decided to blow his surprise for me for fear I would think he'd ignore V-day due to snow..

• So I broke down..

Things seem to be up against me lately and I tried my hardest to fight it, deal with it, try to fix it, be positive about it, and even to a point where I ignored it.. yet, as if I needed to be more tough and strong than what I am now, things just keeps going to the wrong directions. And then, another thing is.. Never once in my life would I worry about money or feel hopeless without it, but there I was. Frustrated because I felt like all my issues can be easily resolved had I made more money. Never did I let money have this much power on me. But last night, I found myself thinking just that. This is a shame. I am not poor, I have savings. I just don't want to break it for something that is NOT in my original plan. My every intention lately has been to live below the means so I can save, then I can go home and see my parents. But with whatever happened the past few weeks, I just feel like.. frustrated, annoyed, and angry. Then I feel frustrated and annoyed and angry for feeling frustrated, annoyed and angry. Ha!

Anyway, last night as Allen and I finished dinner, I was going to peel a mango and tangerine for us but I stopped myself. I asked for a hug, and soon as I landed in his arms, I just lost it. I broke down in tears... I didn't realize I was that upset. Allen, without saying a word, hugged me tighter, rubbing my back while kissing my head. He just let me be.

Later on he said "I've never seen you this upset before, especially for something that I did not do..." He's a joker, indeed.

"Even when seemingly bad things happen, there is a purpose and wisdom behind them."

I have faith.

• A month has passed by..

and so many things have happened. Bad and good, even an awesome one. But let's go over the bad ones first.

I didn't get the job at HOST, bleh. The word I got was, they hired someone who has more of Human Resources background. Disappointing, to say the least. I mean.. after all that off days I took, risking my current job, to go through their lengthy interview process. Oh wells.
I got scolded by my current boss due to so many "flexibility" requests I asked of him only within 7 weeks of employment. Not a good point for performance reviews. Gotta be more careful!
My car needed thermostat and coolant repairs and cost me $550 that I didn't have. Then I was told I needed a new set of tires. Yep, all 4. It got to a point where I'm seriously thinking of tossing it away for a Honda...
Then I got sick. Twice within a week. With no insurance in hand. I took care of it (read: myself).
Then.. the worst of all, upstairs' tenants got kicked out of the house and caused a big scene, which scared the shit out of me when they argued with the land lord. Within a week, I learned so much about the VA law on housing AND my landlord. I asked him to have like, either 3-month or 6-month lease agreement, but he didn't seem interested. This is shady. I want to move out and find a better place. My own either studio or a 1-bedroom apartment, instead of a basement living with housemates. Too many rules, too much limitations, and living under someone's control. Fuck that. I'm not cut for this type of living.

Aite, done bitching about how things just happened one after another after another and after another. Now onto the good ones..

I got my gym membership reactivated. Back to paying $20 a year at the 24 Hour Fitness. Yep. Now if only the weather gets less cold, so I can start working out regularly again!
Got a new Ninja blender for half the price! Not only juicing.. but also smoothie now.
I started doing claim negotiation at work, which means.. commission is right around the corner. I'm stoked. I can always make room for extra money, ya know. Things are definitely looking up.
Allen and I have been trying out new places around where I live.. and our favorite came down to Cafe Chocolate with its awesome soju and Babylon Cafe with its live go-go music. Funny thing happened when we're there for the 4th time, they played this images on the big screen, and we kept making comments of how funny the way people posed/looked, and then.. bam! We saw this picture!

You should've seen the look in both of our faces. We looked at the screen, then to each other, and burst out laughing. What the.... ! Hahaha!

Ok ok.. Now.. the best, most awesome, most exciting news of all is..

MY SISTER IS COMING TO VISIT!!!!!!

In October, perfect Fall weather for them to come and see. I am BEYOND stoked. I just got the word from her that Dennis is going to help her get a visa. That. Is. AWESOME. I can't wait!

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi