stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• i hope

for him not crushing my dream again. As much as I know that I shouldn't be doing this cuz I need to save for my Indo trip. But really, I want to do it. I want to make it happen.

• they fit

I'm talking about the pair of pants I bought and used to wear all the time back in Indo long long time ago. After so many years they've been hung in the closet, I pulled 'em out and wore them today. They fit. Once again they do.

Take that, sucka! ;)

• pms mode

Maybe I'm just annoyed. Or maybe I'm just on my pms mode. But really, I'm not shooting for a successful relationship at this point, I'm just looking for something that will prevent me from being alone for the rest of my life. I'm keeping my expectations very very low.

No, really. He's a good guy. He got potential still.
I'm just super annoyed by him right now.

• i guess it's a no now.

y: Babe, let's host a Halloween party here at your place?
x: Do you want to? Ya sure.
y: Cools! Exciting! Let's invite all of our friends and friend of friends..
x: Ya, maybe I can have my mom to drive out here so she can help you decorating
y: Awesome! Oh my god I already know what Imma do!
x: Hehehe cool. What day is Halloween? Is it on the weekend?
y: Oct 31st is on a Friday, perfect eh! I'm gonna rent the Shining so we can play it here. Oh maybe we can rent some old 80's halloween movies.
x: Maybe like Friday the 13th? or Halloween?
y: Cool! Ya. And I'm gonna make it start at 10...
x: Wait what?! Ten?! We can't have it at 10! It's too late! Neighbors wouldn't like that!
y: Hello?! It's Halloween, it has to start late.. what time do you expect it to start?
x: Usual time like NORMAL people would! Maybe like from 8 to midnight?!
y: *chuckled* Pfftt..
x: Whats so funny?! Don't laugh like that! It's annoying, ok?!
y: ...........................

Wow.. Brother can't handle this party planner. Let's just forget about it and move on.
That was fun while it lasted.

• devilish mean thought part 2

It's been 3 days, and Luci still hasn't called B, either to apologize for being a bitch to him nor to let him know whether she has re-read the script yet again. However, we have a plan to see a screening of Eagle Eye at Paramount on Sunday with her.

Me: "So, does this mean we're not going to the screening this Sunday?"
BT: "I don't know. She still hasn't called"
Me: "Ok, lets just leave her alone. give her time. and lets just go to the beach on sunday. I miss malibu. what do you think?"
BT: "Okay"

I felt like dancing.
Doo doo doo.. Laa la lalaaa.. *singing while skipping*

• that was embarassing

It was already 11pm, which past my bedtime really, we were cuddling on the couch watching Made of Honor on dvd. I was leaning on his chest and before I knew it, I was gone asleep. Forgot which part of the movie that I left it.. til I felt something on my mouth. I woke up, lift my head off his chest, wiping my mouth while trying to gain consciousness, and there he was looking at his shirt and said "Aww.. my baby is drooling on me"

• devilish mean thought

Brandon has this new exciting script for a tv show project that he's been wanting to hear from Luci about. Seph wrote it and when Brandon got the first draft of it on saturday, he thought it was brilliant and he got super stoked about the project. He sent it to Luci right away (on saturday) but she hasn't gotten back to brandon and seph about it.

On monday, Brandon told me how Luci is such a critical person and he's nervous to hear what she says about it. One, because Luci is pretty much the key to the next step, she knows the people at CBS where they're gonna pitch in the idea to. Two, they're business partners, so they have to mutually agree to go on w/ this project.

I just now got a call from Brandon. He was SO upset because Luci finally told Brandon about the script and the only thing she said was "I don't like it. It's not my kind of story" He tried to ask for more details why she doesn't like it, and she said "Ya know, story is too thin. the characters aren't interesting enough. Plus I was tired last night when I read it. I've been having hard time at work. And it's been a shitty week for me"

Brandon was so upset and told me "She's not the only one who has shitty job. I do too. But I'm trying to be positive and found this script, hoping that something better will come up, and there she is with her drama and refuses to at least give it a chance. I don't mind the critics, but I feel like she puts us down without even trying. She doesn't even want to be more specifics about it"

And here's when my mean thought appeared "Yay. he doesn't like luci now" hehe I know. Silly me. It was a good feeling to have for a second.

Of course I didn't show it to Brandon that. I was being wise and said "I'm sorry babe. Maybe you should wait til tonight or weekend and asked her nicely again to re-read it. When shes in a better mood, and if she still doesn't like it, she can give you better feedback with more specific reasons. If she still doesn't like it, that doesn't mean the script is bad. Maybe because it's just not her style. So maybe you should think of pitching it in to other networks. Or ask her if she could refer you to someone."

Man, was I wise or what. Hehe. But really tho, I feel bad for Brandon. Could careless about Luci, but I'm upset for B. I think she's being a bitch putting him down like that. I know how much he values her opinion when it comes to producing and directing films and this is what she did. Ugh. Now B feels pissed off and down. Poor baby. :(

• flat-broke

I'm broke. I found out earlier that I got $54.11 left in the bank account. Never been THIS broke before. And I know why. It went to my passport application. Then I paid half of one huge credit card bills without thinking about the car insurance I also just paid off for the next 4 months. Duh. Talking about bad money management on my part. Ugh. I mean, I'm okay with it until I realize.. I have to send some money home. It's almost Lebaran! :(

Anyways, I'm calling my mom tonight to apologize. She'll have to wait til Oct 1.
Sorry, mom!

• hollywood

Living in this hollyweird city is tricky, I have to say. This city is so dynamic and metropolitan, it can change you before you know it.

The city's standards are beyond ridiculous sometimes. Here, it's all about who you know. It's all about Cup size D, size 0 jeans, tan, six-pack stomach, you name it. Entertainment industry to be exact, which is pretty much that runs and rules the culture of this town. The more you party, the more you know people. Try and go clubbing in Hollywood or Sunset Blvd. Girls who met those standards I mentioned earlier, would go right in. The bouncer would look at you, up and down. Carefully weighing whether you look good enough to get in to the club. Shitty, rite? Of course. But that's just how it is.

It's superficial, fake, and pretentious.
It forces people to change, to fit in, to meet its standards, to be accepted.

And you, my friend, begin to sound and look more and more hollywood-ish to me.

I'm just saying, and I'm only here to watch :)

• the newest

Before:
walking up stairs from the garage, he would call out...

BT: "Queen?! Hellooow? Queeeeennn?"
Me: "Yes?"
BT: "It's King."

or,

BT: "Countess?! Are you there? Countess?"
Me: "Yes?"
BT: "It's the Count. The Count Of North Hollywood"

Nowadays:
BT: "Homegirl??! Homegiiirll.."
Me: "Yes?"
BT: "It's Homeboy"

oh ya, you would miss me tonight when you don't find me anywhere in the house hehe.

• 2 weeks

yup, been 2 weeks straight I've practically been living in his house. I would drive an extra of 5 miles to work everyday. And an extra 10 miles going back, because I, for whatever reason, always find a reason to have to stop by my own apartment, ie. water my chillies plant, pick up my jeans, check my mails, change my bedsheets, etc.

Lately I feel like a stranger at my own apartment. And I feel like it starts to smell like an old abandoned house. Silly me, I would take a short nap in my bed sometimes, just to make me feel like I still live in it. Or, ok this is gonna sound gross, but on saturday, I was on my way to submit my passport application at the post office that is about 2 miles away from my place, I drove out there cuz I had to go number two haha!

Oh, you should see my fridge. It's dead empty. Well, except for the seasonings I keep in there. Without the fruits and veggies I used to always have, it seems empty to me. Overall, my place is super clean now. Not by choice, but due to circumstances ;). Worry no more, starting tomorrow, I'll be back at my own comfy nest. Oh how I miss my bed. I miss cooking at my own kitchen. I really do. I actually can't wait.

I will miss to have my baby around, but I need to take care of few things this week, so.. sorry, babe! ;)

• happy birthday, you

Yes, I stayed up last night, making sure I was the 1st to wish you a happy birthday. And I did. At 12:01am.

Thank you, baby.
For being born.
For showing up on our first date and being the cool you.
For the fun, bad, great, hot, and wonderful times you share w/ me.

Happy birthday.

• yikes

Things I have to do to go back to good ole Mayawati..

Social Security Office, form SS-5. Meaning, I had to dig into my old paperwork to find my Social card, along with a panic thinking "what if I lost it somewhere?"
Passport. Meaning I had to take passport photos on my bad-hair day and pay $160 to expedite the process
DMV. Ahh.. the joy of waiting in line at the DMV. There's nothing like it.
The calls I have to make to my banks, credit cards, payroll, pension plan, insurance companies, my landlord, LAWDP, AT&T, umm. who else. Did I miss anyone? And you know what this means, right? It means, I will have to deal with the machine who miraculously, thanks to the technology, can respond to my not-so-fluent english. Harrroooo??! ^-^

Well, good luck there, me. :o)

• i thank God

for my family who always pray and want the best for me
for my friends who love me and wish me the best today thru texts, emails, and calls
for my boyfriend who's been nothing but sweet, endlessly singing happy birthday to me all day today :)
for blessing me with life full of fun, happiness, and experiences
for today and the future HE may hold for me

I thank God, for everything
today and everyday

happy 34, me.

• enough

t: you like me?
b: yes, dah'ling
t: how much?
b: enough
t: enough?
b: yes, enough to hurt me when you're not around

gombal.com hehe..

• guess who's getting older today?

moi! ^-^

• After-glow moment

Picture me, driving to work, thinking about last night.
The radio was playing some hard-core rap music, but I wasn't jamming to the song.
I was smiling from ear to ear.
Then I realized, the couple driving in the next car, was looking at my silly face.
They probably think I'm crazy.

That, baby, is because of you.

• I feel like singing this song..

Take me on a trip, I'd like to go some day.
Take me to New York, I'd love to see LA.
I really want to, come kick it with you.
You'll be my American Boy.

He said Hey Sister.
It's really really nice to meet ya.
I just met this 5 foot 7 guys who's just my type.
I like the way he's speaking his confidence is peaking.
Don't like his baggy jeans but I'm a like what's underneath it.
And no I ain't been to MIA
I heard that Cali never rains and New York wide awake.
First let's see the west end.
I'll show you to my bridrens.
I'm like this American Boy. American Boy

Take me on a trip, I'd like to go some day
Take me to New York, I'd love to see LA.
I really want to come kick it with you.
You'll be my American Boy

Can we get away this weekend.
Take me to Broadway.
Let's go shopping baby then we'll go to a Cafe.
Let's go on the subway.
Take me to your hood.
I neva been to Brooklyn and I'd like to see what's good.
Dress in all your fancy clothes.
Sneaker's looking Fresh to death I'm lovin' those Shell Toes.
Walkin' that walk.
Talk that slick talk.
I'm likin' this American Boy. American Boy.

~ o ~

Today.
This is it, American it is.

Trias Mayawati, Star-Spangled Banner, Blue passport, Barack Obama.
September 11 2008, marked.

• why?

because you have to actually earn a friendship
because you don't really care about me (or anyone)
because not everything (or everyone's world) revolve around you
because I ditch people a lot of times, well.. the miserable ones
because I'm mean and a real bitch who knows what I want in life
because you need help and I can't (and don't want to) help you
because you don't take responsibility for your own actions
because you are so clueless about others' feelings and the misery you share with them
because I need to actually care about my friend and... about you, I really don't

that's WHY.

• Guess who's turning 3!

Yep! This little champ right here is turning 3 today!

Happy birthday, little one.
Tambah pinter ya sayang, tambah tinggi, tambah mau ma'em, en tambah cakep!
Ga boleh nakal, harus nurut sama Ibu, Bapak, Eyang, Bunda dan Auntie ya..
Sorry I can't be there to watch you growing up to be a young fine little boy as you are now.

Love you,
tante amerika ^-^

• The Virgos in My Life

September 1: Mas Eko - RIP. (1st boyfriend)
September 2: Kartini, my bestfriend
September 2: Jon, ex-bf
September 7: Mbak Iin, my cousin
September 9: Ernest, a close friend
September 10: Adrian, my nephew
September 11: Lilo, my childhood bestfriend
September 12: Julie, a friend
September 14: MINE!
September 15: Dartayous, ex-hubby
September 18: Brandon, current boyfriend ;)
September 21: Isti, a close friend

And may the list go on.. One time, I met a girl at a party that has the exact same birthday as me, which is always cool to find. Amazing how many Virgos I crossed path with over the years.

• disneyland part 3

2 reasons behind the Disneyland trip:

1. Mellany is moving back to HOT-tlanta end of this year. I'm happy for her, regardless how much I'll miss her when she's gone. So she has this "Los Angeles Bucket List", which contains places in and surround LA that she wants to go before she moves away. Disneyland is one of them.

2. Kartini and Jon share the same birthday, September 2nd and we wanted to make it a tradition to go to Disneyland every year. Too bad, Kartini is still recovering from the surgery so she couldn't make it this year.

• disneyland part 2

the pictures ;)

want some more? lookie lookie here!! :o) (bear with so many pics cuz it was a collection of all of my Disney pictures, hehe)

• disneyland part 1

I just got back from the so-called Happiest Place on Earth, ma feet hurt like a mother fu.. nevermind ;) took a hot shower soon as I got home, and soaked my feet in a foot-spa machine that I haven't had the need to use it in like.. close to 2 years. Ya, if they could talk, well they would scream right now. Or if they had eyes, they would give me the dirtiest look. Hehe.

Anyways, I'm exhausted. My eyes are like half-open, I'm ready to hit the bed now, so I'll have to cut this post short. It was fun, and the pictures are coming. Tomorrow! ;)

Happy weekend!

• life is too short

to live it being unhappy
to fill it with sadness, weakness and misery
to be shared with undeserving negative nellys

Today, I choose to be selfish. For my own sanity. For my own happiness.
My life may not always be beautiful, but it is my choice to make the best of it.
For life is way too short not to be happy and sane.

• today

I will have a much better day.
Nuff said.

• this is a good-bye

for I was being selfish earlier, thinking about how big of a responsibility you put on me, the first thing I had in mind was Why Me? I then realized one thing: I'm not a good friend to you.

I will pray for you.
I'm sorry. I can't be a good friend to you.

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi