stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• I'm eye-ing these..

in silver/black

and in dark brown/turquoise

they're so comfy that's why!

• what happens in ATL.. stays in ATL

.. or so I was told by someone dearest. Yes, you know who you are ;)
But I think what she meant was the 2 nights we were out and about, now THAT is bound to be hidden somewhere in room 2229 at Hyatt Downtown Atlanta.

Anyways, I'm not exaggerating when I said Atlanta was.. a definite blast.

Meeting w/ ms sexy booette was beyond fun. We clicked right away, as if we've met before for hundreds and hundreds times. She gets my jokes, my sarcasm, my bitchiness, and vice versa. We went out both nights, optimizing the little time we had, making sure we broke some hearts. Oops! Did I say that outloud?! haha.. But tell you what, we definitely enjoyed the stunned look on everyone that asked of our "how we met" story. That was fun. Oh, she also took good care of me. Make up wise and drunken wise ;) Thanks again, chica'. Double trouble indeed. ;)

And of course, the wedding....
O.
M.
G.

It was very, for lack of the better words, grand.
The bride was stunning as she's always been. Well, no, Mellany looked prettiest I've ever seen.
The groom was shyly blushing a lot. Matt was undeniably adorable.
The family are warm, welcoming, smiley, and happy. They sure LOVE dancing the night out.
The food was amazingly delicious, I won't be surprised if I gained some lbs but who's counting, rite?
The whole ceremony was elegant and beautiful, most got teary eyed during, at least once. I know my tears couldn't stop rolling during the father-daughter dance.

It was full of colors, boozes, yummy food, and laughter. I can't name one bad thing about the wedding festivities.

Oh pictures? Well.. still working on uploading them. I need to use the time to study this week! ;)

• sigh moment

"Assalamualaikum. Yas, sehat to? Bp Ibu Mbah pd sehat. Wis mulai kuliah yo? Mg2 ndang rampung trus golek kerja neng INDONESIA"

Notice the capitalized home country?
Yes, I get it.
But NO is the answer, mom.

• Hawt-lanta

I'm going to Atlanta tomorrow ;) for two things..
to meet my other half, Irish.
to witness my BFF Mellany marrying the great Matt.

and if I have enough time, I'll check out the Atl Aquarium and Atl brothas.
Just checkin out and no more.. hahaha!

• in between doing homework..

hmmm.. I think I'm in love with this boy..

ahh yes, of course he'd hate me for posting this picture on here.. :p but hey, don't blame me.. it's his fault for giving me this picture! hehehe..

• I feel like screaming..

and I want to scream here.
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Listen to this. I have ATL trip coming up, Thurs to Sunday.

Yet I have..
6 pages of Grammar Topic due on 3/25
7 pages of Reading Assignment due on 3/25
A quiz on Narration on 3/25

And when I come back, I have..
A MIDTERM test!! on 3/31
18 pages of Learning Objectives due on 3/31
4 pages of Cola Wars DVD Summary due on 3/31
6 pages of Writing Assignment due on 4/1
6 pages of Grammar Topic 3 due on 4/1

Feel my pain?

• pieces of happiness

waiting for my bebe grilling the pompano fish I marinated for an hour.
eating it with my bare hand, and he followed thru.
looking at his oily mouth with a piece of fish on his chin
and asked if he were to save that piece for later.. hehe

happiness is its own thing and can be found in the smallest things..

• keterlaluan..

itu.. si guru bahasa inggris, kalo ngasi pe-er ngga kira kira. when i said ga kira2, i mean, 22 worth of pages of homework!! that is that we have to turn in next week. PLUS another quiz coming up... :((
*mrengut2 sambil ngerjain pe-er DI KANTOR* ^-^

• san clemente pictures

taken from the camp site, up on a cliff looking away to the ocean. too bad it was way overcast so I couldn't take much of good pictures.

spring is definitely here..

we did a sunset walk along the beach, looking over the pier..

and here's my bebe giving me (and you) kisses.. ^-^

• take me to a happy place

I need to find my inner peace. Sooner rather than later. I feel like I have a cloud over my head, not necessarily a dark cloud, but I have just been.... less happy.

There's the fucked up situation we have to endure in the office, while I -because it's part of my job- have to literally BEG for my boss to pay our salary. Ya, it's not cool at all. It makes me feel like shit alright. But I have to suck it up, because I'm blessed to still have a job, period.

Then there's Brandon, who's been pretty miserable with his shitty situation he's in. Much as I try not to, it affects me. I miss him a lot too -now that I'm back in school- I only get to see him over the weekend, which is the only time he can do his film projects and music video project. We would be just staying at home doing nothing, with sports TV channel on which I cannot stand. I also have to suck it up because the film/music video is the only thing that can keep him sane. He knows I'm sticking out with him, and I see him working on keeping our relationship going, which I appreciate.

Last and most important thing in my life is.. school. I love it, I enjoy the classes, I enjoy watching young n' classmates of mine, they're fun to watch, the quiz has been do-able so far..... but the homework is overwhelming. I have to admit I need to manage my time better for it.

The combination of the three exhausts me.

I need to work on my patience.
I need to stay happy.
I need to find my inner peace.

And I found out.. Nordstrom wasn't the answer. ^-^

• unanswered questions

There are questions I wanted to ask you, not a lot but there are questions, yet I chose to bite my tongue... not sure why. Well.. I'm betting on the "insecurity". I'm afraid for the answers whatever it might be.

I feel less (if none at all) passion. The closeness that we used to share a whole LOT, now seem to fade away. Not slowly, more of on and off, with off being more often. Now that I thought about it.. even when I talk to my friends about you or write about you in this blog, I do it with less passion. There's this uneasy feeling all around.. not awkward, but more of.. distant?

Either you -not purposely- have dragged me into your misery, or I'm just not strong enough to be with you. I can't help but thinking if it were me, tho' you've said it many times that it's not.

So what is it?
Am I losing something here?
Did something happen before my eyes while I wasn't looking?

What happened to us, bebe?

• intermezzo in between doing homework

***mobile-texting***

me: "roses are red, violets are blue. i am so bored but really missing you!"
him: "dork"
me: "roses are red, violets are blue. i may be a dork, but so are you!"
him: "Lol"

glad I could make him laugh! ;)

• bandel.com

lupa mo ngepost potonya Ian yg kemarenan dikirim ama mbak Evie. skarang katanya lagi ga demen dipoto, demennya motret. makanya pose-nya begini..

katanya sekarang klo ditelpon ama eyang putrinya, sebelon itu handset dikasi ke dia, uda tereak2 duluan "ora gelem, ayah. ora geleeeemmm!!"

hahaha! giliran bisa basa jawa, ngomongnya kok 'ora gelem'. ckckck.. kesian eyang. hihi..

• this is me being a bitch.

thats what happened when he told me to sit in the backseat, which means he had to help me getting out of the car.

that's what happened when he said he cared if the actors got sick because of me,
while obviously I could just stay at home watching my sappy korean drama instead of helping you guys.

that, my friend, is called karma. :)

tell him to go the doctor quick and be more appreciative next time when someone did him a favor.

oh and next time, and i told you this already, anyone else getting in to your car with us, he/she's sitting in the backseat. your mom is an exception. ;)

sorry, just had to tell you this.
-trias

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi