stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• happy birthday, you.

I know we're only seeing each other less than 2 months, but I'm hoping you make a little bit of effort and time to let me celebrate your birthday with you. Just like you did with mine.

Lunch with you was lovely. Now, if only I could see you for dinner tonight ;)

• my prince of uganda :)

• This is my wish for you:

Comfort on difficult days
Smiles when sadness intrudes
Rainbows to follow the clouds
Laughter to kiss your lips
Sunsets to warm your heart
Hugs when spirits sag
Beauty for your eyes to see
Friendships to brighten your being
Faith so that you can believe
Confidence for when you doubt
Courage to know yourself
Patience to accept the truth
Love to complete your life..

[eureka episode. 10-19-10]

• Omnia causa fiunt..

It all started with one line:
"Merupakan kehormatan kalo bisa berteman dgn mu...seseorang yang datang dalam mimpi"

There were many guys blasted from my past since I joined Facebook 3 years ago, but never like this one. Something about him was unique and interesting enough to keep me engaged in conversations over conversations, just about anything. I found myself mesmerized by him, instead of ignoring like what I did to the rest of them.

He was someone from high school. From what he told me, he used to sit right in front of me. We were never close. We were just classmates. There were never a real conversation between us. He said I used to be mean to him, I used to look down on him like he was nothing. I used to yell at him for staring at me. Yet he would look at me from a far, watching me close, despite the fact of how I treated him. Regardless of how much I tried to remember who he was and what he looked like, nada. I couldn't remember a thing about him as if he was never existed. To me, at least. But that was back then..

He started telling me about high school, the past, then he started sending me pictures, sharing his feelings and worries and.. his sickness. Call me insane, but soon enough I gave him both of my phone numbers. Then he started calling me. Hearing his voice, listening to some more of his stories.. next thing I know, I was caught in this warm feeling, endlessly talking to him every day and night since the day he sent me the message. I found him to be very smart, lively, funny in the most awkward way, romantic and unique in so many ways. He talks to me in a such a way that it touches my heart. And it feels.. comforting, familiar, flattering of course, and.. warm.

I don't know what it is, but it grows on me. That warm feeling.

Then he came up with this idea of my accompanying him to go somewhere far and serene where there's nothing but nature's quietness. For 3 months, he said. Since the doctor said he only got 50-50 chances in life, he wanted to stop the treatment so he could go somewhere quiet to be alone. Or, with me. Insane? Very. I couldn't imagine being away from my life for 3 months to be with someone I barely knew... How would that change me? Why did he asked me such favor? Why me and what would it do to him? What's gonna happen to him if he stopped his medical treatment? What if we did this, being away in some far away land, and I woke up one morning only to find him passed? And.. why me, again?

What's more confusing and surprising is.. I actually was tickled by the idea.

Sympathy? Maybe.
Care? Sure it is. But why?
I doubt that this is of love. All I know the warm feeling doesn't go away even after he goes to sleep or I go to sleep. I started to miss him when I said hi and he didn't respond. Definitely interesting feeling that I carelessly enough to let it be. The impulsive side of me kicks in more this time. As much as I want to question what it's all about, I won't.

Omnia causa fiunt..
Everything happens for a reason..

And let's just call him Jay.

• now that things get more "secure"

here he is..

[Van Nuys, circa 10.17.10]

• harajuku girl

is in the making..

• the efforts.

after 4 hours being stuck at the mechanic, pouting and all that, I got me a cute call: "So, did you say you want to see the movie today? You want to see it with me tonight?"

Oh I wanted to give him a big hug and many kisses when I heard that!
I quickly went home, he came over, and we went to eat at the Brazilian food place at the mall, bought us our tickets to see "Social Network". We then had many drinks at Pink Taco (gotta love their happy hour) after the movie before we headed home.

Lucky me, my roomies were out of town. So we ended up staying for a good hour sitting at the patio. Very-very cute. Then he said "Night is still young, let's go out and hear some music!"

I drove us to his old hang-out place down in Santa Monica. We got in, and man I love a small bar/club such this place. No pretentious Hollywood attitude, no long ass line out front, and even better, they had happy hour til 11pm! Their raspberry cucumber mojitos are to die for!!

We danced the night away til time hit midnight. I was ready to go home by then, I mean, we're out since 3pm! Hehe..

I can tell you this.. I love the fact that he's making one and every effort he could to spend more time with me.

Aite, enough being lovey dovey. Time to get up from bed and actually make my day more productive! I'm off to get my Halloween costume!

• i ♥ today

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
-- Anonymous

or was it...?

2:30pm - Pink Taco - watermelon margarita - chicken flautas and heineken.

love the spontaneous and surprise visits.. who am I to complain about not being able to plan things. this.. is.. just lovely.

• 15 hours

Knowing how hard it is for us to see each other between your crazy work schedule and your son, I like it when you have the little time for fun, you make sure I'm in it. I also like how we both make the best of the little time we have for each other. I like staying up all night with you. I had so much fun hanging out, drinking and dancing with your Uganda crowd. It was so much fun and everyone was so nice and friendly and welcoming to me. Love-love it.

15 hours.
That was the longest time we've spent with e/o thus far.
Hope for many more to come.. ;)

• DC-L Flirty texts

"I could just like the way you say my name.. especially in... ;)"
Did you just flirt with me mr Hamlin?

"Yes ma'am. And had a flashback about when you were at the house.."
O'boy.. You made me blush. Ya it was.. fun. To say the least.

"I'll never forget the backwards skirt look too.. LOL!"
Stop it! Haha! So, I think wht I did was pullin up the wrong side of skirt when I was in the b'room before we left! I din hv it on backwards all night! .. I think..

"If you say so.. LOL. It still looked good on you."
Now I'm really blushing. So.. when?

"Not sure just yet.. gotta check.. and make sure you dont have any frequent visitors"
Naw, if I were to hv a bf I wouldnt hv ended up in your house..

"Sure, tell me anything ;) You know u wanna cheat on your criminal bf"
with oh-so-irresistible you, why not!

"LOL.. flirt"
Flashback: I'm Single - Lil Wayne. Driving back fr Bristow to Stafford. Likes..

"LOL! And driving back from the club.."
And me taking of the backwards skirt in your car..

"I remember the skirt removal.. ;)"
I remember the second you walked in to the club patio and saw me. That's it. Night was over for me.. aw shucks :)

♥♥

• thanks babe

for the picture you took of me.
for giving me no reason to worry about a thing by texting me every little stuff you do
for the early lovely dinner and funny stories.
for making the time to see me in your oh-so-busy schedule.

i like you. a LOT.
give me a little bit more time to get to know you, will ya. and forgive me, i may have been "sneaking around" but you, obviously, are the one that's pulling me aside, keeping me grounded.
[don antonios 10.2.2010]

• let the countdown begins!

you know what.. she needs to go, like seriously. I swear she needs to get laid, I'm not even kidding.

After a series of drama she created with her air headed self, I just had it enough. it's not cool of her to post such comment in my freakin FB wall, such a player hater!

yet, I know this is something that needs to be handled lightly.
regardless of how little she appreciates me.... she's after all a good friend of mine.

but I'm ready. I'm ready for her to get the fuck out.. so..

let the countdown begins!!!

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi