stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• live at the lounge

when i'm bored, i tend to come up with either the silliest OR the most brilliant idea. so there i was, asking friends to go with me to the comedy club in hermosa beach. first person i asked said no. so i went for the second. my newest friend so-called lance. got myself a 23 yr old kid hanging out with me last night. heheheh..

So it was The Ian Bagg show, never heard of this guy til last night. Pretty funny. After comedy club, we went to the pier, stopped at Patrick Molloy's bar, had a couple drinks. And off, back to my place by 12 midnight.

I had fun. Thanks dude.. or should I call you, boy toy? ha!

• stop it or admit it

the sign is everywhere.
listen kid, i'm tired.
of trying to figure out what i want.
of wondering what you want me to do.
of your act, your game, your... aaarrgh..

just tell me one thing, do you or do you not.
from there, i'll proceed.

but for now, i'm just going to wait. because i want to. call me stupid, i dont care.

• me talking to the bday girl

you prolly don't know this but yea.. i look up to you sis.. since i was a kid. i thought you're the coolest when you're in high school. you had so many cool friends. you're such a good kid growing up, and i wasnt. hahaha. i guess, after all, you really showed us the responsibility of being the first child in the family. though i said i looked up to you but of course, knowing how i am, i just stopped at that. compared to you, i was a bad.. bad.. bad kid. good thing i grew up being a better person. hehehe.

i remember living with you when i was in jakarta, and we had a big fight in front of mom and dad. and i was so determined i had to move out and lived by myself. mom and dad were so mad at me for talking back at you. at the time, i thought, hey thats unfair! she started it! but believe me.. i regretted it. from that on, i lived by myself. i'd see you on some weekends, but we never gotten really close. for that, i'm sorry.

now, looking back, i feel like, i know i should've spent more time with you. i miss you. if i could choose, i wouldnt want any other big sister. you're one tough cookie i know, but, you are what you are. and i love you for that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ya mbak. Hope all your wishes come true.

love ya! muuahh muaaah!

• the twins

thank you. so far, you scored 3 out of 5. oh yea, i count.

• mixed

i know i'm not in love
and i don't see you in my future
or see myself having a serious relationship
but i like you

• bittersweet

tadi malam indah ya..
saya suka
kita begini aja terus, bisa kan?

• WTF is V-Day anyways?

Oh of course you'd think I said that because I'm single and don't have someone to spend V-day with. Well, yea partly true. But I think Valentine's day is over-rated. No offense to Saint Valentine, but listen, why is it that people make such a big deal out of it? I'm sure some girls have been trying to figure out what to get for their bfs or spouses since 1-2 weeks ago. And guys been panicking if their girls expect them to propose on this day. Ha! Some people say I love you on V-day because they think its the right thing to do. Ridiculous. Don't we all suppose to say it everyday or every time we want to? Saying I love you is not a mandatory, right?

(ok I'm about to puke now, word 'love' makes me sick) hehe

So today, I sent out the card below to my single friends. Why? Just because. HUAHAHAHA (devil laugh)

HAPPY TUESDAY!!

• dia sudah bisa berdiri!

my very lovely nephew, Adrian, that is. so adorable! mulut celemotan aja sangat lucu begitu.. gimana klo engga ya? *penuh cinta gini gw ngomongnya*

he's so photogenic. loves having his pictures taken! Always, I repeat, always, looking at the camera everytime his auntie flashes her camera. what a cutie! me love me love me love me love!

Bunda en Auntie are two proud aunties, indeed. Tapi itu, idungnya mas Ian kok jadi pesek yaaa.. hihi. (btw, if you do not see his picture with his mom, thats because the pic came out dark)

thank you, Lupi, for sending me all the pictures.. keep them coming! love you!

• I can't believe I did this

I posted a profile on Yahoo Personals. WTHeck. Prolly won't do me a thing anyways, but here's what I wrote on 'About Me':

Ok, this is weird. Never done this before, I mean, I have myspace, friendster and all that, but not some dating service like this. I thought, what the hey, there's always first time for everything, right? And talking about myself is a lil bit awkward. But, I'll tell you what my friends say about me. Sounds good? hope so.

I'm silly and funny. I like to laugh and make people laugh. Sometimes it gets to a point where I act pretty stupid. I like to cook, and have everyone over to try out my cooking. I also like to eat what I cook. So no, I won't be poisoning anyone. I have a fulltime job, but life is not just about working. This means, I have fun a lot too. I enjoy life the way I enjoy breathing. I party, I drink, I have fun. I hate.. -umm I take that back, hate is a strong word, I do not like judgemental people. If you do not know me, don't think you can judge who, what and how I am. I am what I am, I don't change people and will not let people change anything about me. I don't mind being critisized, long as I can do the same to you. I am straight forward person, I would tell you what I think when you ask -just because I want to be honest. So if I have a booger hangin' in my nose, please do tell me. Because it'd be embarrasing to have people stare at me, pointing at my nose, then laugh. And of course I would do the same to you. It's a nice thing to do.

Again, this is what my friends say. One thing I tell you, don't believe everything they say! ;)

What I want in a man? Well, I don't really mind a boy, long as you're above 18. Wait, I take that back, you got to be above 21. Then we can go out for drinks. I don't want to go to jail for an underage boy with fake id. Anyways, I like a guy who:
- can cook just like I do for him.
- is as funny or maybe funnier that I could smile remembering his jokes even when he's not around.
- can also be serious when necessary
- who can control me, but not over protective, and still lets me be myself
- is willing to go out as much as staying at home with me
- is not super hot because I'm not super hot either
- doesn't mind hanging with my friends and lets me hang with his
- I can trust him with my dirty lil secrets and not share it with his buddies
- understands my culture and not make fun of it on a daily basis
- has a healthy way of life

Do I ask too much? well.. sorry. A woman can dream, right? ;)

• semoga..

hari ini semestinya bapak ibu udah pulang
udah jadi bapak haji dan ibu hajjah
bisa lihat mas Ian yang nungguin eyangnya pulang dari tanah suci
pasti kaget en seneng
makasih bunda dan tante yang punya ide ngirim mas ian ke purwokerto
semoga bapak ibu sehat
semoga..

[kangen kangen kangen kangen kangen kangen]

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi