stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• all the good things

Interview after interview after interview after interview... now it's said that I'm in a close race with 1 other candidate to get the EA post for this philanthropist lady. Bismillah.. inshaAllah. I know I did my best in each and every interview I went to. I learned that it is no longer a skill/experience/degree competition, it's not whether or not I put in 19 years of experiences or whether I hold a required degree, nope. Rather it's all about whether the personality fits.

I have few more interviews scheduled next week. I am, however, determined to take the first job that's offered to me, whichever it may be. It'd be nice to get the high paying one, but if one comes along that is only slightly better than what I make now, I'd take it. When I do, I would not look back and think "shoulda coulda woulda".. because the first one comes along IS my blessing.

Next on to a more important matter in my life.. I went ahead and added $15/mo international call feature on my T-Mobile phone. Now I can call my mom however long without thinking about how much it'd cost me. The reception is much better too! Now I can listen to her "complaining" why Bapak doesn't visit her in her dreams, or her keeping herself busy by sewing bed sheet, or her story about my niece and nephew more, sometimes we would talk for hours or... until the little one interrupts, "Eyang... aku mau susu"

Too cute for me to mind the interruption.

Allen's given his (week) notice to GD. Starting Monday, he's a full time CEO of his own company. Things are moving along. I'm happy for him. We're happy, things have been steady too. When we're together, we work together more than going out like we used to. We do indulge and eat out sometimes, but no more drinking, no more late night out. I like it and I could tell he enjoys it just as much. The other night, out of the blue, he said "I don't think I'd be here today, starting my own company, if I didn't meet you. You're the reason I am where I am today. Thank you, babe."

That's sweet. It's only sweeter if he pays me for all that I did. Haha.

I had a cute "date" with my all time favorite ex-boss, Dennis, last night. I went to Cosmos Club, then he asked where we should have dinner. I suggested Bistrot du Coin (thanks Yelp!) which is about 5 blocks away. Despite the drizzly weather, he insisted that we both walked to the restaurant. He's so cute, he gave me his arm so I could hold it while walking together. The whole time, I kept thinking... I wished it were you, Pak. I wished I could talk to you, chat about the past, while walking arm in arm with you in the rain, as if we're on a dad-daughter date.... Anyway, before I got teary eyed.... I enjoyed the dinner, his stories, and his company. He gave me a baseball cap from Cayman Island. He even asked me to type an email from the philanthropy lady who asked about me, as if I were still his assistant, as if it were not talking about me. Haha. I loved it.

He said I was a real star.

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi