stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• if anything

I guess, if anything, it's about taking chances, even when you think you're all out of chances. It's about giving forgiveness and unconditional love, even when it seems like you should only do the opposite. It's about trusting that God puts people in your life at certain times so that you can capitalize on the opportunity. It's all about the possibility. It's all about what you do with those possibilities. Life is short, but it moves so fast. Hang on and enjoy the ride. And when someone comes along with whom you enjoy spending the ride with ... hold on tight.
- Samantha Mott

• when i did my laundry today..

i found your shirt. your boondocks shirt you left here on one of the many nights you crashed on the couch of my living room. as i rubbed the shirt, which even after one wash, i could smell you. or maybe i was just imagining it. but i recognized your smell. and it's definitely you.

then, i felt a slight pain in my chest. no, not a broken heart sorta pain. not the kind that would make me cry. and it was very light. but it's there, ya know. and it sorta made me feel.. sad.

i miss 'us'. us, not you in particular.

i know you're still around so there's no reason to miss 'you'. a little too much i would say for a couple who have broken up. and this is not a complain btw. i'm not complaining about us hanging out so much. it's just that.. you're there.. but unreachable.

i question myself sometimes. why? why am i doing this?

thing is, i like you a lot. yet im not sure if this is of love. or because you're around all the time that i can't just erase this feeling i have for you. you're fun. you're funny. you're nice. and you're there, being all nice and cute to me, as if we've never broken up. and i don't feel like you're taking advantage of my feeling. i know you have feeling for me too. and i know that this is what i (or we) wanted.

i just think, it's a lil bit too much that we're still hanging out as much as we do. i mean, if i could compare, maybe we hang out more now than when we were dating. i just thought it's weird sometimes. i enjoy your company. alot. but i feel weird. not bad kind of weird. just weird weird, ya know. like i want more but i don't. for fear that it won't work again. oh god. i don't even know why i even thought of wanting more of you. anyways..

i'm not sad anymore. i just thought i need to pull away a little bit. but everytime i try to do that, you seem to reach me. pulling me back.

but whatever. i'm putting up with it because i do enjoy the fun time i have when i'm with you. i'll see how long we could last. i just thought we both are lying to ourselves. don't ya think?

• i feel it

Strange. But even when you know it has to end, when it finally does, you always get that inevitable twinge: Have I done the right thing?
-Alfie

• this is a lot of fun!!

Turn the music ON!!

• my favorite pic of us

i know i know.. i know what you think.
i'm so in love with him.
blah.

• immature jokes between us

Jon: What time are you going to Last comic
Jon: Hello!
me: ill be there by 6ish
Jon: So what are you wearing? Clothes?
me: nothing. i wear nothing.
Jon: Nice
me: well, i wear a skirt. nothing on top
me: no, really. i wear a dress.
Jon: Oh so I should bring dollars
me: ALWAYS. always.
me: just wear a bow-tie and tahts it.
Jon: what's tahts
me: THATS. whatever dude. just cuz im not a citizen i cant do a typo!
Jon: Anusly!
me: ur so premature. i mean, immature.
Jon: You know I must be 16 to attend
Jon: My mom's droppin me off tonight.
me: oh god. go back to your study room!
Jon: I still got homework to do! Ha ha!
me: haha
Jon: Tonight is going to kick Assssthhhhh!
me: i like it. the assth part. and the young part.
Jon: You always like the assthhhh! Ha ha!
me: ur so random.
Jon: Anoooos!
me: and perverted
Jon: Look how many different ways you can spell anuuus!
Jon: Ahhhhhnuuus! Anoooos! Annnn Ooooo SSSS!
Jon: Okay I'm done..
me: oh good hahaha
me: ur having too much fun
Jon: Well it is Friday!
me: yay!! aite dude.. ill see you tonight
Jon: See you tonight!
me: ta!

• w00t!!

Ok. We bought the plane tickets.
Delta Flight 408, arrive Friday 9/21 @6:13am
Delta Flight 31, leave Monday 9/24 @4:25pm

wait now, you better not flake! cuz then we be homeless!

can i get a w00t w00t!!
-t

~~~~~

EH wrote:
I’m booked at the W hotel in midtown for Friday 21 Sep checking out Monday 24 Sep. I arrive Friday at 11:20 am on Delta Flight 165 and Leave Monday 7:10 pm on Delta 112. You better not flake, sucka!

-e

• weekend highlights

- Opening night of Euthanasia (directed by Adrian Grenier) @ Nacional
- My straight hair was looking curly for only literally 7 minutes
- I spilled my drinks on jon twice, fell on my butt once, and had one too many drinks
- Weni read my friend's palms but mine (she said its too dark, not sure whether it was the club that's dark or my life's. ha!)
- Jon took my drunk ass home, we held hands and both kept saying "huh.. interesting" when looking at our hands
- He called the next morning to check up on me (sweet of him)
- Kartini got lost on 101, panic knocking on my door
- She and I walked to Larchmont to get coffee and pinkberry (it was a good 2 miles)
- We both had to eat krupuk to save ourselves from hunger pain
- Met up with Mellany and Matt at Midori and had GIANT amount of sushi we could think of
- Went back to my apartment by 7:30pm and slept 11 hours after. I don't remember the last time I had this much sleep
- Reading Harry Potter throughout sunday morning
- Fixing my website for a couple hours before continue reading Harry Potter again
- Come 3pm, off w/ Weni to have bbq w/ Slank!

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

credit to Weni for the pics. ;)

• happy birfff-day lupi!

sorry i didn't get to call you last night, i'll try again tonight.

you're the best lil sister in whole the world. Happy 29th!!

*hugs*

• mclovin and me

Last night, i went to Jimmy Kimmel Show with Mellany and Matt, and I guess it was my LUCKY night, because we were seated in the FRONT ROW!! I was so excited I got to see Paul Rudd and Michael Cera UP CLOSE!! it was a lot of fun! And little did I know that Rudd was short! and even worse, MARRIED w/ a kid! haha.. so he's off my crush list! hehehe

and.. right before Michael Cera came in the show.. they moved Matt, which sat next to me, to the back row. And then there he was.. McLovin, and his geeky looking friends, went to our row, and he sat next to me!! OMG! I got so excited! He's freakin hillarious on the movie (comes out in aug 17) Superbad!! He's so skinny and so geeky! He's nice though. He shook my hand and said hi. And I smelled alcohol on him! Oh great, he's had drinks. hehe..

They had special guests Paul Ruebens and David Hasselhoff (which in person is a charming looking guy). Too bad no cameras allowed so I cant take no freakin pics! I think the TV camera was on me few times. I tried to watch the show when I got home, but I got so tired I missed it. So I dont know whether I was on tv. Hehe, nerd.

Anyways.. overall, the show was awesome. I'd definitely go again!

Oh, another thing, got a call from jon while I was in the studio. So I called him on the way back, and we talked for like an hour. Talking about some random sh**. Do most ex-es talk and hang out as much as we do?

• 's all good..

So I'd like to get something straight. I think IMing sucks cuz things get miscommunicated and misinterpret...and this is a perfect example. Plus it seems as though this isn't the first time this has happened where one of us said something that the other person didn't like being of IMing. If we were talking I am most certain the outcome of the conversation would have come out better. When I stated "matt's known you for a few months and he's known allen for 5 years", I was not saying that towards you. I was only making a statement that was made by Allen at the time of his little frustration. At the time (which was only a brief moment), he felt hurt. Then he was fine, cuz he felt there was no point in even thinking about it cuz Matt's Matt and it doesn't really matter. In no way was I using that statement to attack you or put you down or whatever. I wasn't using it as a negative statement.

So I am mad at you for getting mad at me cuz I don't feel you need to get mad at me. But overall I blame IMing so from now on, if we talk...gossip...tell each other secrets we should just call each other.

Anyway, I'm off to lunch. Work is crazy busy. Hope you have a great lunch :)
J S

Wanna know what my reply is? here we go..

got nothing left to say on my part.

's all good. :)
-t

• another day another drama

J: it's not even that
J: he didn't even call allen or tell him that he was gonna be in town. that's what ticked allen off a bit. when i told him that he texted you and asked what you were doing that night. allen didn't care that he didn't tell us he was going to see you. it's not calling him and just saying that we was going to be in town. didn't care if he didn't have time to hang out...they've been friends for a while. didn't think he needed to be all hush hush about not being in town

T: oh, for that, i have the answer
J: doesn't matter
J: i don't care
T: oh ok.

Ji: and the fact that you know and he doesn't is lame
T: hahaha
T: thats GAY!
J: matt's known you for a few months and he's known allen for 5 years
J: anyway
T: oh wells

J: didn't realise it til he explain
J: yeah oh wells
J: ANYWAY...boo!
J: hehehe
T: yup, not my problem.
T: hehehe

J: but like i said. it was a temperary feeling. he's fine now. no biggy
J: didn't mope about it for too long
J: so i'm craving sushi right now
J: AND korean food
J: hehehe
T: ok, sorry, i have to continue that
T: it has nothing to do w/ me tho that he told me and not allen. its his choice
T: i think that was rather rude that you said hes known me for few months and allen for few years
T: i mean, you dont have to tell me that. i know allen knows him longer.
T: so im a bit defensive here.
T: but anyways.. ur right. he shoulda called allen.

J: well i'm sorry if you feel defensive. that's what allen told me. i wasn't telling you. we shouldn't even be talking about this. sorry i told you in the first place. it's not even our problem
J: never mind
J: i'll talk to you later
T: okies

(typical of her, always leaving me hanging after having said what she needed to say]

• i thought guys just dont share or 'talk'

i don't know why, but this email really bugs the hell outta me. one, because i didn't ask them to invite matt. and two, it's so gay of him to feel bothered just cuz one doesnt tell him who he hooks up with. what difference would it make if he knows from the person and/or from other people? why does he need to know anyways? it's still none of his (or their) business, don't ya think? geesh.. some people man..

As for inviting M***. A*** and I talked about it last week and decided not to invite him. He's a cool guy and all but there were other people we wanted to invite instead. Plus between you and me (strictly confidential), A's a little frustrated with him. He's a little fed up with M at the moment. Didn't know it until last week. A said that it kinda bothers him that he is so secretive about seeing our female friends (you and some of our other female friends). It bugs him that he finds out from other people and not M himself. Thinks it lame. Anyway, don't tell M please. This is between him and A I guess. It's not really a big deal, just something that bothered A at the time and it's probably now passed. You know how guys (especially A) don't hold grudges. A knows what kind of person and friend M is, he just doesn't understand him trying to be secretive especially since they've been friends for a while.

Anyway, You have your reasons as to why you don't want M to come and A has his. I don't have any cuz I just like taking shots with him and he's a fun guy to be around, but I don't mind he was there or not, and it seems as though inviting him isn't major so we decided not to.

I'm feeling better. Off to pick up Ash now. I'll probably go to work tomorrow. Have to take Ash for his 6 month check up in the morning and then I'll be in. Hope you had a good day. I slept A LOT! hehehe...

Hugs! I hope you can come but if not I'm sorry if I changed your mind and I totally understand your reasoning.

J S

and that was a reply to my very own email below

Hey!

Allow me to be honest w/ you guys.

I thought about the Sequoia trip over the weekend. Especially when I heard there will be 3 couples (and kids) going on this trip and there's me. I know it's fun hanging out w/ you guys, but sounds to me, it's more of a family outing and I will feel like the 7th wheel. I do not know the other 2 couples that are going, and I feel that.. that is going to further add to me feeling awkward.

I think I will have to say a maybe for now, until I find someone I can go with. The clock is ticking and I don't want to guarantee you guys that I'm going. I hope you understand my situation.

Cool? :)

And J.. hope you feel better soon! :)
-T

• we ain't normal people

for two people who have broken up, we're sure not normal. i mean, seriously. why is it that we both can be so flirty and have so much fun together and yet NOT wanting to be in so-called 'relationship'?

i have to say, i like it like this. you're there when i need someone to hang with. on the other hand, i have the options of seeing other guys. but! there were times that i felt like.. god dude, you need to go home and we need to stop hanging out so much. not that i do not appreciate you, i mean, you're a LOT of fun. but sometimes i just thought it's a lil too much to handle. i can't be going around and meet new guys when you're around me. yet, i really like hanging out w/ you.

so i guess, it's a win win situation for both of us. i'll see how long we can stay this way. you're becoming more and more of a good friend to me. i start to see you as a friend more than my ex-boyfriend. which is awesome. but i don't know how you feel. hope i don't hurt your feeling if one day i meet a guy and i have to ditch you for him. just like our favorite line, we broke up, remember? hehehe..

thanks, i had fun this weekend. :)

[mishima, serenading the dead @prince o'whales -playa del rey, broadway walk II, last mimzy, breakfast @farmer's market, boba lunch @koreatown plaza, bourne ultimatum @pacific culver, pinkberry to go, catch&release, barney's beanery, and our favorites: Anchorman]

• living a dream

one is a fun company to hang out in real life, i can definitely be myself around him and talk about the most random stuff and have a good laugh about anything comes to mind. not to mention, he's cute as a button, kind, trust-worthy, something about him is so comforting and definitely the type of person you want to be with especially at your worse. and there's this connection and closeness that it doesn't matter how things turn out between us, we're always gonna be friends.

the other one is a fun company in *you know what*. our path -for some odd reason-- always crosses when it's needed. he's gorgeous and charming as hell. there's something about him that gives me butterflies in my tummy. everytime i'm about to see him, i become giggly and happy and still be that way even a few days after. there was one thing happened in the past that will always connect us together no matter what, so i know i can always call him when i need him (too bad he doesn't live in la).

i told a good friend of mine about how it would be a dream come true to have these two guys combined for me. and she said "i think you're living it, tree. don't ya have them both right now? girlie.. you're living your dream."

i bit my lips and left it at that. :)

• it's brown..

the color of your eyes is brown, light yellow-ish brown. and not green like i've always thought. and your smirk, omg.. i remember this feeling. this is the exact same feeling i had for you 1.5 yrs ago. when i couldn't stop smiling. when i couldn't help this cheery mood to show in my face and makes everyone wonders why i'm in such happy mood. thanks for the wine and chocolate. thanks for the funny story about your crack-addict roommate. thanks for telling me that 'i talk funny'. thanks for analyzing w/ me why the room doesn't have a balcony. most of all.. thanks for the good time.

[matta, north glendale hilton, 7/31/2007]

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi