stories of some bad ass girl

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Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• the ones who spent the weekend at san clemente

so i'm back. looking tan. dunno about others, but I dun like getting tan. the trip was awesome tho'.

ok, so his mom. is a macho lady. she has a southern accent when she speaks. she's a cool mom all in all. very hip. sort of a tomboy. wearing shorts and either halter or tank tops at all times. and wears sun visor hat that matches the color of her halter/tank tops. hehe. oh and her place, a VERY homey place, is just 3 blocks away from the san clemente pier. if you sat on the top deck, you could see the ocean from there! Very very pretty view. very nice laid back beach neighborhood. she had a garden in the backyard full with vegetables plants; cucumber, basil, tomato, grapes, oranges, etc. i love it. she cooks really good southern meal. she has this similar deep voice as brandon. they also share the same clear blue eyes, nose-shape, and the way they eat their food.

oh and she's funny. at one point, when she found out brandon and i are both virgos, she asked "oh, are you as moody as he is?" and she winked at me. I said "naw, he is way moodier" she said, "ya good luck with that"

brandon rolled his eyes. ^-^

three of us went to laguna beach on saturday, spent the day together. the beach was beyond gorgeous. the only drawback was the what felt like 1000 stairs we had to take to get to it. not a public beach so it wasn't crowded at all. maybe the stairs made it impossible for everyone to go there, who knows. yet i think the fun time i had there and the beach beauty was worth the pain i felt in my calves now.

i also like his brother a lot though i didnt get to talk much to him. nick is 30, married with 2 kids. brayden and hunter, they're 5 and 3 and are SO cute looking exactly like their dad. his wife, sarah, was.. well.. a drunk. saw her for a few minutes on saturday, she had a bottle of beer in her hand, and already slurred. got to hang out with her again on sunday at the san clemente fiesta.. and the whole time, she had a beer cup and had this gaze-look in her eyes (aka. drunk). so yea, i dun have any opinion on her based on those facts. hehe.

and the dogs; lucas and molly! awwh they're so adorable. since april, lucas was brought back to her place while brandon is trying to get everything together, he can't take care of lucas. he was SO happy to see brandon. cute. very cute.

i gotta say, i feel like i know brandon much better now, just by watching how he is around his family. the dynamic of his relationship with his mom, his brother, his 2 nephews and sister in law. he is who he is. he's as moody towards his mom as he is with me. now i'm sure, its not just me. haha!

when we're about to leave, nick said "nice meeting you, trias. thanks for taking care of my brother. he's a good guy" and ya i dunno what he meant, really. but thought that was nice of him. his mom also said "hope to see you again soon!" then she hugged me goodbye.

more pictures? click here!!

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi