stories of some bad ass girl

l blah l theGirl l rants l oldStuff l linkies l

Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• some random stuff

- I haven't called my mom since my sister's wedding. It's been on my mind a lot, but I keep forgetting to buy a calling card. Sorry mom! :) I'll make it a priority to do this week! Promise!

- Jon got a new girlfriend. He texted me a couple weeks ago just to tell me this. Random, yes. Happy for him tho. Until later on I found out, she isn't actually living in LA, she had to move back to Brazil 2 weeks after their relationship cuz she's way overstayed in her visa. yikes. Right when I thought he's changed and moved forwards with his ability to have a relationship with a girl. But hun.. Long distance doesn't count in my book. Klo kata orang indo, sama aja bo'ong. hehe.. Either way, I'm happy for him and wish him the best of luck.

- Brandon and I still fight. Not as much, but always comes with lots of yelling follows with laughing. Fun, but exhausting at times. But then again, I have zero expectation when it comes to him and our relationship. Not bitter, I'm just more rational. I think.. :) I hope we last long. Hehe.

- I'm planning on taking up on Brandon's offer to train me at the gym. My friend said if I haven't lost any weight with the diet and work-out I do, big chance I hit the plateu. Meaning I have to totally change my work-out system. I might have to do more of weight training than just yoga and cardio. Might have to give up my favorite yoga class *sigh* but oh wells..

- Lately, I've been annoyed with the people I work with. For their eating habit. I mean I could careless of whatever they put in their mouth. Not my body, its theirs, so, who cares, right? But that wasn't the case. They have the power to make me feel bad for not eating as bad as they do and show me attitudes (or stink eye) when I refuse. Which is what I do 99% of the time. I had it enough today and leveled myself to theirs by making a snotty-smart-ass comment of the donuts they're about to swallow. Unnecessary, but I had to.

- Vegas trip is coming up real soon. This weekend!!! Can't wait to see Mellany again. One girl already showed some bitchy tones on our long exchanging emails. Let's hope there won't be fights between the 6 girls. Hehe..

- I was bummed about Chase credit card, they raised the percentage of monthly minimum payment without notice. Good thing I caught it before the due date, which gives them no reason to raise my flat low rate. This is the credit card I used for my sister's car payment. She's in no condition to pay right now, let alone at a higher amount. I'd have to take over the rest. I have to really watch my cc bills now, with the economy being so bad, some have changed their policy with or without notice. *sigh*

- This isn't something I'm happy nor proud of. I paid my parking ticket today, after delaying for 1.5 wks. $55 is a lot of money. Not happy, but definitely learn my mistake.

- I miss taking pictures. Good pictures, I mean. I'll have my camera with me in Vegas, so we'll see.

The end. :o)

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi