stories of some bad ass girl

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Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• the camping was fun and yet a disaster

Well, I would say, it didn't start off and ended as well as I thought it was gonna be.

I left the house that Friday morning at 11am to go to my mechanic to have the oil changed. Turned out it wasn't just that. Two of my tires got low pressure and my air filter needed to be changed. They all sounded simple, but I had to wait for 3 hours for it to be done!

The plan was I'd be at his place by 1pm, but with the whole car situation, I told him I was gonna be late and that I haven't even done the groceries. Mind ya, I've done my part by preparing what I needed, spent enough money on alcohol, beach chairs, and some other stuff. But I made sure I kept him updated by texting him continuously. Now, he COULD've gone and done the groceries himself, right? But nooooo.. when I was at the grocery store, got me a text with a list of things that he FORGOT to buy. So of course it took me a little bit more time to get everything. And soon as I was done w/ groceries, thats when I felt hungry. So I texted him, "Got food? I'm hungry!" and he replied "Cheese steak?".. I thought, sweet.

I got to his place by 2:30pm, expecting him to be all packed and ready to go, right? But noooo.. I found him chilling, smoking, minding his own bidness! Seriously?!? So I asked where my cheese steak was, he said he had to make it first. Okkaaaay..

Long story short we're arguing. He said I was rushing him, and I said he shoulda been ready even before I got there. He said I was bossy, I said I'm not bossy, I may be demanding but that's cuz I know I give a lot. He's not too happy about that.

And I'm not even gonna go on and talk about what happened on the way to the campsite. It was... annoying. Plain and simple.

When we got there, he had me drive back and forth from the camp sites to the front desk, only because he couldn't decide which campsite he wanted. He said he couldn't decide.. well, I said, he couldn't remember which one he liked best cuz he's fucken high!

When we finally got to our campsite, first thing I did was mixing my margarita. Boy, I needed the drink so bad after being stuck and driving the 2.5 hour worth of annoying conversation in the car. He went straight to building the tent. 10 minutes later, he turned around and looked at me and said "Chilling, aren't ya?" Little did he know, sarcastic is my middle name. So I replied "No shit. I deserve to chill after all that driving you had me done"

I'm not gonna go into a looooooooooong and boring post here, so lemme just list up all the WTF moments he did:

- Smoking cigarettes in my car, wtf!!
- Smoking weed in my car, WTF?!!!!!
- Insisting to play the music and crank up the volume while he's cooking, machine is off, even after I told him it's gonna kill my battery
- Calling me out as terrible, not helping, etc etc.. (wtf dude, I pretty much PAID for everything here!)
- Asking if he could drink beer in the car on our way home (really? wtf!)
- "I'll get some taco bell, buy me a pack of cigarette please?"
- I woke up on Sunday, my cigarette pack was on the floor, with only ONE cig left. He fucken smoked all of MY cig and left me ONE! just ONE! WTF?!

I have to give him one credit though. The food was great, beyond delish. He can be an awesome cook if he put his mind into it.

But I swear.. on the way back, I kept thinking "ya know what.. I am.. DONE."

Which I am. There's no reason for me to stick around for some 42 yr old guy who's not making any money, smoking weed on a daily basis, and bitching about how sucky his life is. I mean, really dude?

Oh how I wish I could say "Seriously dude, stop the fucken weed and see life as it is, soberly. Then you'll know, there's so much you can be grateful for."

But ya know what... I aint got no time for this shit.
Like I said.. I am.. done.
Ciao!

I took awesome pictures tho.. ^_^

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi