stories of some bad ass girl

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Welcome to my blog.
If you have this url, you're prolly one of the chosen ones.

By reading my blog, you agree to:
Have fun reading it.
Comment only if you must.
Bear with my randomness.
Not be judgemental. Not towards me at least.

• Best dating advice, like EVER.

Men reveal themselves in their efforts.

Men do what they want. Unless they have a gun to their head or are trapped under a fallen boulder, they’re going to call you if they want to call you, and treat you well if they want to treat you well, and commit to you if they want to commit to you. Thus, if a man is not treating you the way you want to be treated, you have two choices – stay or go.

As a woman, you just have to sit back and let him do what he wants.
Basically, if you’re not sure how to act with a guy you’re seeing, just do whatever he does.
It's called "Mirroring"..

He wants to meet you; he has to approach you. You say yes.
He wants to plan a first date; he has to ask you out in advance. You say yes.
He wants to kiss you; he has to make a first move. You say yes.
He wants to see you a second time; he calls the next day. You say yes.
He wants to check-in during the week to tell you he’s thinking of you; you take his calls. You say yes.

You don’t have to DO anything.

Seriously. That’s it. “Don’t do anything.”

Just see what he does, and say yes.
He wants to take you on a weekend away and introduce you to his friends. You say yes.
He wants to sleep with you; he offers a condom. You say yes.
He wants to commit to you and become exclusive. You say yes.

You see what I mean? You don’t have to DO anything. Just see what he does, and say yes.

On the flip side, it also means that: If he doesn’t call you, don’t call him.
If he doesn’t text you, don’t text him.
If he doesn’t make plans with you, don’t make plans with him.
If he doesn’t tell you he loves you, don’t tell him you love him.

This isn’t my version of “The Rules.”
I’m not suggesting that you play games or refuse to return his calls or any of that crap. I’m saying that you should continue to be as real and authentic as you can be. Just let him take the lead.

If he calls, if he makes plans, if he commits, he’s interested.

If he doesn’t – if you feel you have to remind him that you’re alive and interested – let him go.

This is the single simplest way to understand how to deal with men, and yet women drive themselves nuts. You try to learn what “games” to play, or how to “figure men out”, or “how to make him commit” to you.

It’s all bullshit. There’s nothing to know beyond what we’re DOING.
If we want to call, we’ll call.
If we want to commit, we’ll commit.
If we want to marry you, we’ll ask you.
And if we don’t call, don’t commit, and don’t propose to you (all in a reasonable amount of time), then guess what? We’re not going to.
We’re just going to continue with our happy, low-stakes status quo that you so generously allow.

Your only leverage when the time is right? Leave.
Say that you need to know you’re investing in a future. And since it’s pretty clear after three months that he doesn’t want to see you more than once a week, you’re gonna have to cut him off.
The end. Buh-bye.

This is far easier said than done, of course. You actually have to have the guts to leave a no-win situation, and many women do not. Most women don’t take this approach. You speak too soon, or you don’t speak at all. Maybe you won’t say anything because you know that if you do, the relationship will end. That’s exactly how you can desire marriage but stay in a five-year relationship without a ring.

Silence is golden; it doesn’t rock the boat. And yet, you never get what you want. They’d rather stay in a safe dead-end relationship than be alone. Which is fair. But you can’t blame a guy when you turn 42 and he hasn’t proposed to you after 6 years.
You can only blame yourself.

Ultimately, you shouldn’t have to have ask him how he’s feeling. You should know how he’s feeling based on the effort he’s making for you. And if he’s not making an effort, you don’t have to look very far for your answer.

If he doesn’t do anything, you have your answer. He doesn’t deserve you.

Men reveal themselves in their efforts to commit to you. Anything less, you’re wasting your time.

It hurts to hear and see hundreds of women asking the same exact question and genuinely struggling for the answer that’s obvious to everyone but them. So once and for all, to all the women reading this: You deserve a man who WANTS to be with you, not one who acts like he’s doing you a favor by returning your call.

-trias-
-los angeles-

I've always been different growing up. My being the 3rd (middle) child might have added to it too, maybe. You know the old saying about being the middle child often has the sense of not belonging, the feeling of invisibility, which makes them try harder to get the attention from the parents to make them stand out more than the first and last child. They (read: experts and/or old people) even have it called a 'middle child syndrome'. I don't know... But yea, I grew up trying my best to annoy my parents, well, in my defense, I don't think I did it consciously. Compared to my other siblings, I wasn't the most polite child (my oldest sister was), nor the cutest (my youngest sister), and not even the worst (my brother haha!). Well, maybe I'm the second worst, which wasn't anything I should be proud of.

I grew up thinking I could do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. The sky was (and is) my limit. I was a tomboy and a bad kid too (I skipped school a lot during my junior high and finally got caught by my dad and boy did I pay much for it). I always love boys too. I know how to get them just by talking to them. I was (hopefully still is) a Miss Personality. I dated a lot. From one boy to another. I was obnoxiously flirty. My mom had (still has) problems with this "habit" of mine for liking boys so much. I always love English language. I wanted to travel overseas and spoke the universal language to anyone and everyone. I grew up knowing that if I speak English, everyone in this world would understand what I say. Make sense, right? Then I also always wanted to work in an office. I wanted to be a career woman, an independent woman who can afford anything on her own. I wanted to be bigger than the biggest.

Which isn't normal in any Indonesian culture guidebook.

By standards, an Indonesian woman is expected to be a good wife. Period. Oh yes, she can work, she can drive a car, she can play basketball, but at the end of the day, she MUST learn how to and become a good wife. Hey, first off, I'm not saying it's bad, I think it's great that a woman can be a good wife, but COME ON!! We, women, can become much more than that. We can be something bigger than that. Again, it's great to be a good wife, but when it's expected by the society, I think it's ridiculously silly. Human is human, regardless of its gender. We, women, should be allowed to have the same choices and opportunities as men, in any part of the world. Unfortunately, not in my part of the world. So yea, I'm fucked.

Before you punch me in the face for saying so, let me say this.

I tried.
No. Not just tried. I did what was expected of me as an Indonesian woman. Yes yes, I was married and did my best to be a good wife. Actually, I was a great wife. I did my best living my life by Indonesian standards. I was happy, but I turned into a different person who lived under a shadow of the person I was with. Yet, in my head, there's always this big question mark: Now what? Why do I feel lost being in this "happy" marriage? So, when the marriage fell apart, aside from feeling like the biggest failure in the face of the earth, I also felt..... relieved. Not happy, but relieved. For a few who knew me from/before the day I failed my marriage should know how devastated I was . I was broken, pathetic, lost, and pushed to the weakest point of my life. I lived in my own lonely little pathetic world (celibacy was part of it too) for a good one year.

But then I snapped out of it. HUGE thanks to my family and few of my friends who stood by me, helping me going through the worse time of my life. Kar who bought me a TV soon as I moved in to my own studio apartment. Sus who forced me to go get a vibrator to get through the celibacy time. Mel who gave me this silly book, sort of a guide, on how to be a BAD girl. Before I knew it, there I was having a buck fuddy, OK, two. ^-^

I learned my lesson the day I failed my marriage. Following the standard of a society is a good thing, but doesn't necessarily make one happy. Since then, I learned to live my life by whatever makes me happy. Sound selfish? Yes and No. It is a simple way of a person who wants to be happy. It is also my choice to make everyday a good day. To have a great time during miserable time. To be half full instead of half empty. It's my choice to laugh and not cry. To let go of hate and stop worrying so much. I learn to know that nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a big deal. Because it doesn't matter how big of a problem I have, there's always someone else out there with a bigger problem. That's, my friend, when I know the exact meaning of "count your blessings".

Fast forward: Entering the 4th year of divorce anniversary *grinning*. Here I am. Stronger than ever. Bad ass for life. ^o^
[Monday, April 21, 2008]

Her mom and siblings and niece and nephew, movies, movies, movies, hats, unicorns, to smile and laugh, her friends, a Vinci Code, Mashimaro, manggo, black shirts, Gym, vodka-holic, tom Welling, dark chocolatte cuz its bitter, Korean language, Retro necklaces, Jeong ji-hoon, iPhones, Venice Beach, Nordstrom rack, hot guys with british accents, web design, Ebay, blogging (duh)

Pretentiousness, running (be in on a treadmill or outside), humidity, her left thumb, hypocrites, dangdut, hung-over, white shirts, tight pants, sandwich and salads, cowboy hats, black coffee, slow wifi